Last night, the Charlotte Bobcats played the New Orleans Hornets. This is a match-up that could be a rivalry because the Hornets used to play in Charlotte, but it is not because both of these teams are not very good at professional basketball. Despite Chris Kaman, presumably, slaughtering a miniature wildcat with his bare hands in preparation for last night’s game, this is not a rivalry. Still, last night’s game had a pretty cool ending, as Trevor Ariza of the Hornets drove toward the hoop to attempt a buzzer-beating dunk only to be met and denied by a Bismack Bioymbo block. Bobcats win 73–71.
This was cool, and when cool things happen you should give credit where credit is due, as the Curator’s Code necessitates. So, sure, Bismack Biyombo is a really good athlete, and he made an amazing play to stop another, on-rushing, really good athlete, but that’s where Biyombo’s involvement ends. Who truly deserves credit for last night’s game-saving play?
First we must give a hat tip to Paul Silas, head coach of the Bobcats, for he is the man who decided to put Bismack Biyombo into this game of basketball.
Next, credit must be given to Rich Cho, the general manager of the Bobcats, who had the courage to draft Biyombo this past summer.
Then, yes, as most all basketball credit-giving chains tend to do, we find ourselves at Michael Jordan, His Airness, The Opposite of Babe Ruth, or WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE THAT OH RIGHT YOU’RE MICHAEL JORDAN. Jordan is the owner of the Bobcats. Therefore, he pays Cho’s checks. Therefore, I am mentioning his name here.
Jordan never would’ve became (this is a fact) the owner of the Bobcats if he didn’t get rich playing in the NBA, which never would’ve happened if Clifton Herring didn’t “cut” Michael Jordan from the Laney High varsity basketball team during Jordan’s sophomore year.
Herring attended college at North Carolina Central in Durham, where he earned a full athletic scholarship to play … football. So, according to sound human logic, if football did not exist, Herring never would’ve became a high school basketball coach. Props to Walter Camp for inventing the American version of the sport.
Camp turned rugby into what eventually became American football while at Yale College in the late 1800’s. Yale was originally founded as a school to train both Congregationalist ministers and lay leaders. So, it’s safe to assume that Yale never would’ve came to exist if Protestantism wasn’t a thing.
Protestantism is a religion, of which Congregationalism is a denomination. Religion would not exist if people didn’t believe in God.
So, to recap: Bismack Bioymbo’s block ⇒ Paul Silas ⇒ Rich Cho ⇒ Michael Jordan ⇒ Clifton Herring ⇒ Walter Camp ⇒ Protestantism ⇒ God.
So, thank you, God, for blocking Trevor Ariza’s dunk last night. That was really cool.
Oh, and if you’re parodying this article, you are required by Internet law to give me a hat tip.
Image via edenpictures/Flickr
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