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Top 12 Freakouts: Unintelligible Words of Wisdom From People Smoking Salvia

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By HVvids on April 18, 2012


There are two ways to smoke salvia divinorum, a legal hallucinogenic plant that offers users a brief but intense LSD-like freakout period during which the world changes around you and all sensory input affects you like you’re an epileptic at a rave: the right way and the fun way.

I tried it once. It was 10x strength, and I sat in an armchair in the dark while the drug turned the walls of the room kaleidoscopic. Everything was in triangles. Neutral Milk Hotel was playing, and the words to the song “Two-Headed Boy Part II” turned into these Schoolhouse Rock–style bubble letters that calmly floated past me. I laughed my ass off for five minutes.

On the other end of the spectrum is my friend Gordon, who smoked it in college and saw his residence hall turn into a gigantic mouth that shouted repeatedly, “THE GRAVITY GUY HAS YOUR SOUL.” Gordon stumbled inside the mouth, knocked over a girl with cerebral palsy and cowered on the floor of someone’s room, holding his head, trembling and crying until it wore off.

Obviously, the preferred way to smoke salvia is to do what Gordon did. But it’s perfectly acceptable to simply scream unintelligible words of wisdom. Take these folks for example:

“Why does this thing move weird?”


 

“I’m a fish!”


 

“Somebody besides Eddie!”


 

“I’m freaking out and I want to go home!”


 

“AUUUGH! AUUUUHGGGH!”


 

“Yeah, I’m feeling it”


 

“Huh hah! Y’all fuckers. … Where’s everyone else?”


 

“I can’t get up now.”


 

“My mouth is gonna fall off!”


 

“…” “You have snot coming out of your nose.”


 

“Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow, what’s so funny?”


 

“Is that my boyfriend?” or, Miley Cyrus Has a Bad Trip


 


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