The New, Grown-up Axe Commercial Starring Kiefer Sutherland

The Axe marketing team must have decided the whole “wear this and women will boink you, even if you’re an awkward, pimply forever-aloner” tactic needed a new slant. Something to expand the ages-12-to-19 demographic and shake the perception of the noxious spray as cologne-for-douchebags-in-training.

The answer: Mr. Jack Bauer himself, Kiefer Sutherland.

The commercial: There’s always a girl you’ve been afraid to approach. For Kiefer, it’s a hottie named Susan Glenn. No matter how old you get, there’s always a Susan Glenn, and the brain-scrambling powers of her overwhelming perfection melt your confidence and turn you into a high schooler again.

… Unless you’re Kiefer Sutherland and wearing Axe body spray.

It’s a classy, grown-up and far more likable take on the classic Axe recipe, which is “Girls are scary, but here’s a way to become fuckable without any of that trying-to-be-an-attractive-person crap.” Instead of the old, juvenile claptrap, now it’s aspirational, actor-approved claptrap!

Still, by any ad person’s metrics, this is a “good” commercial. Don Draper would be proud. Teenage boys generally feel unconfident and unattractive, and Axe manipulates those desires and insecurities mercilessly. Jack Bauer, man-hero, tells them that if only they smelled like The Situation taking a shit in a Hollister bathroom, they’d have the confidence boost necessary to actually approach a human woman.

The thing is, the power of suggestion works.

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Also: Happy 77th birthday to Kiefer’s pop, Donald!