The Last Place You Want To Be During An Earthquake Ideally, when an earthquake hits, you’ll be somewhere safe like underneath a table or in a doorway away from falling shelves and picture frames. We don’t necessarily need you to explain why you would just be chilling out underneath a table, because it’s your life and you’re free to do whatever you want with it, even if it means hanging out underneath a table for no good reason until an earthquake happens. The last place you’d want to be during an earthquake is in a hardware store. When a 6.3 quake rumbled New Zealand last Monday, the people in this hardware store were stuck scrambling from falling tools and machines. Let’s ignore the use of the ass-to-ass music from Requiem For a Dream, which is still disturbing even though it’s been used as the “intense” music for the better part of a decade. Right now, the only thing that is more disturbing than being trapped in a hardware store during an earthquake is the image of Keith David licking his lips in anticipation of Jennifer Connelly’s sweaty, junk-fueled demise. “It’s almost comical watching people’s reactions as everything falls off the shelves until you realize how much it must suck. Then you feel like a jerk for laughing,” writes Gawker. But don’t feel like a jerk! It’s funny. And nobody dies from getting a circular saw in the head. Still, when it comes to getting stuck places during an earthquake the hardware store is definitely not as enjoyable as the candy story or the mattress store.