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Mountain Dew Doesn’t Want You to Kill Yourself

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By HVculture on October 28, 2011

On Wednesday night, some dude named Michael posted onto the Mountain Dew Facebook page: “I think I’m going to kill myself soon. I know I say stuff like that a lot and maybe half the time in a very jokey way, but I think it’s actually going to happen soon and I’m scared.”

To which, the high-octane soda company responded: “Michael, even joking about that is serious. Please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline as soon as you can at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). They’re there to talk 24/7. And DEW Nation is here for you, too!”

By Thursday morning, it seemed like the guy survived the night because he hopped back on to Facebook to nonchalantly thank the company: “Thanks Mountain Dew.” Here, take a look:

There is so much confusion over this. Legit? Viral ad for the Dew in poor taste? What is going on? Was he just hoping for anyone to complete the pun with a “don’t dew it?” It’s lucky Michael didn’t post his plea for help on the Nike page, otherwise people may have implored him to “just do it, bro.”

Luckily, Reddit is here to make sense of all of this, offering such observational gems as:

• “Thanks, Mean Joe!”
• “Red Bull told him to jump, and then pushed him when he pussied out.”
• “Good thing he didn’t do it … or we would have had a code red on our hands.”
• “He’ll probably use a gun. I assume you’ll clean up the Baja Blast?”
• “I would love for word to get out that if you’re thinking of killing yourself you can get help on the Mountain Dew Facebook page. It would just be full of people reaching out in hard times and finding support. The tone of the whole company would adapt to this accident.”
• “poor guy, he’s soda pressed he’s thinking about taking his own life.”

There are plenty more jokes about how Dr Pepper would respond by prescribing anti-depressants and how Mr. PiBB wouldn’t know what to do because he never bothered to get a degree.

The best part of the entire thread, however, is how Mountain Dew’s response seems cribbed from an ’80s movie/commercial, and that nugget brought the connection to one of the best scenes from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Here’s “Charlie Loses His Mind”:

Nothing quite like a little corporate suicide silliness for a Friday afternoon. Oh yeah, bow bow.

On a serious note, if you are thinking about suicide, SEEK HELP. The world might need you.

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