Undecided Voters, Let Music Be Your Guide: Obama Vs. Romney

It’s Election Day 2012, and the Weeping Elvii have thus far managed to keep our heads above the political fray. After all, we are a music ‘zine, not a political blog, so we support your right to vote for the candidate of your choice, even if it’s The Rent Is Too Damn High Dude.

In the presidential race, we’ve heard the choice described by some voters as the “lesser of two evils.” Come on — it’s not like you’re being asked to decide between the Jonas Brothers and One Direction! But if you are indeed an undecided voter (and we’re not quite sure how you could be) then why not base your final determination on a criteria near and dear to your heart, like musical taste? If economic and international affairs public debates have not convinced you, you just might be the type of voter who may be swayed by the musical performances, choices, and tastes of the candidates.

At this late juncture, after $6 billion of campaign ads, this is as good a method as any to determine which way your chad hangs. Hey — it beats the hell out of a coin flip! Think of it like the woman in your office pool who fills out her NCAA bracket winners by team colors.

So let us start by offering you some facts … yes, actual facts that don’t need verification by John King, Donna Brazile or Rush Limbaugh‘s doctor.

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Category 1: Musical Skills

Let’s start with POTUS himself.

While giving a traditional speech at The Apollo Theatre in January, the building’s history was simply too much for President Obama to resist, and he was moved to croon a cappela the first 7 words of The Right Reverend Al Green’s immortal 1972 hit “Let’s Stay Together.”  By all accounts, The Prez nailed it with his breathy, sexy, and very much in-tune falsetto. The Apollo/”Let’s Stay Together” moment may have even surpassed Bill Clinton’s saxy moment on The Aresenio Hall Show and Nixon’s pre-Watergate piano concerto as the greatest musical moment in prez history.

It even prompted Rev. Al (Green, not Sharpton), who was in the audience at the time, to remark that he was ”thrilled.” High praise coming from one of the greatest (not to mention coitus-inducing) soul singers of all time, who saw a near 500% increase in sales of this classic ballad immediately following Mr. Obama’s impromptu cover. It only took 7 words, 3 bars, and less than 10 seconds for the President to have this much impact on Rev Al’s catalog…just think of what he could do for the beleaguered music industry if he crooned regularly! Picture it: everyone from Jay-Z to the Foo Fighters sending their latest demos, mix-tapes and singles to the White House in hopes of getting the President-approved sale bump! Hello, stimulus!

We also can cite Mr. Obama’s hipster, jazz-like spoken word, “slow jamming the news” segment on Jimmy Fallon, as well as being called up on stage by blues legend Buddy Guy to hit a well-sung line on “Sweet Home Chicago” with Mick Jagger, B.B. King and Gary Clark Jr. standing by. Hell, he even gave Dylan a medal (Bob’s response to it all is still being deciphered and transcribed…we think he was pleased but he may have been ordering waffles). There is also this: POTUS has consistently been seen (along with the First Lady) clapping on beats 2 and 4 at inaugural and other White House events. Mr. Obama is even a Grammy winner — granted, it was for Best Spoken Word Album but his Grammy looks just the same as Arcade Fire’s or Bon Iver’s. Even if you deny all this, one (of any party) must admit that he keeps good musical company.

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As for Governor Romney’s musical skills? Well, let’s just say that the good Lord and /or Joseph Smith did not bless him with the musical gene quite commonly found among the Mormon persuasion (The Osmonds, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, Sen. Orrin Hatch, and Romney rival/keyboardist Governor/Ambassador Jon Huntsman). 

Video of the Guv belting out a lifeless, tone-deaf rendition of ”America the Beautiful” and a tune of undetermined origin and melody that linguistically would baffle Lt. Uhura (as featured repeatedly by David Letterman, who describes it solely as “some Mormon hymn”) are so musically incriminating that they have even been used by his opponent in a campaign ad. If you’ve got the intestinal fortitude for these type of things, have a go. But after just five seconds, we found ourselves screaming “Mein Gott im Himmel, make it stop!” Regardless of what you think about Governor Romney’s politics, when it comes to his singing…well let’s just be glad he has a good head for business.

But, wait, there’s so much more. We can’t simply pick a president by the sound of their voice, we have to make informed decisions: How about musicians as surrogates? What about campaign playlists? Running mates? Weeping Elvis is on it, so click here to go read their full analysis of how this election should shake out based on music.

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