Hypervocal Menu


Letter to Santa from a Warrior of the Indentured Educated Class

Share on FacebookTweet about this on Twitter

By Cryn Johannsen on December 21, 2011

All I want for Christmas is a Congressman (or Congresswoman)

Dear Mr. Claus:

For kids who celebrate Christmas and who still believe in you, this time of year is very special. First, they go to some nearby mall and meet a bunch of impersonating Santas. They sit on the laps of the faux Santas and ask for a bunch of things. Now that the times have gotten economically tougher – if not devastating – for many Americans families, a lot of kids are now asking for simple things. Like, “I want my mommy to have a job,” “Help us put food on the table,” and “Don’t let my dad lose his job.” Kids are damned intuitive, aren’t they, Santa? You are certainly a candidate to know the answer to that question.

On Christmas Eve, all these little children – if their families can still afford to splurge on such things – put out special treats for you. Then the little ones dash off to bed and anxiously wait for your arrival. In their dreams, they watch your sleek red sleigh land on their rooftops – if they are lucky enough to still have one over their head – and follow your every move.

They see you lumber towards their tree, with a big, heavy sack. They see you nibble on their delectable or undetectable treats (you’re such a polite one, Mr. Claus, you would never turn down food, even if it’s wretched). Then they watch you pull out those special gift(s) “made” only for them.

Sadly, a lot of kids won’t be getting a present from you this year. I am sorry to learn that the North Pole has also been hurt by a system that only benefits a tiny fraction of the world’s population. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you, Mrs. Claus, and the elves. I even heard rumors that one of the big banks tried to seize your property. Is that true? Was it Bank of America or Chase? Who cares? They are all the same when it comes to abuses. But I hope that was only a rumor, because of the gift I want you to bring to me. It’s going to cost you some money, but I think you’ll understand the request.

Here’s what I want for Christmas: a Congressman or Congresswoman.

A specific one, though. I want to be able to have them and tell them to vote on behalf of the poor, the indebted, and the forgotten in the United States. I realize this sounds pretty cynical, but we have all come to realize that our leaders can be bought. But I promise that I will treat them very well, and that we – the indentured educated class – will take good care of them. WE all promise that. You wouldn’t just be buying me a gift. You’d be buying it for tens of millions of people who have been forgotten. In the end, you might even save some lives, because an awful lot of people, especially those with student loan debt, are feeling so low that they are suicidal. We have already lost some.

So, help me out. Bring me a Congressman (or Congresswoman) for Christmas this year. I’ll promise to make big changes through their bought power!


Cryn Johannsen is the founder and executive director of All Education Matters (AEM). She is currently writing a book about the student lending crisis and how this mess can be fixed. Read her full HyperVocal archive here, and make sure to follow her on The Twitter @cjohanns.

Share on FacebookTweet about this on Twitter