Well, some good news: We finally (sorta) found the female, non-heirloom equivalent of Captain Koons’ bequeathing the gold watch to Butch.
Christina Lafave and 66-year-old Kenneth Herold met in Las Vegas’ B Bar at the Wynn in January. What started as swanky cocktails turned into a private massage in his suite, for which Herold forked over three $100 bills.
Then things got weird.
The Las Vegas Review-Journal offers a blow-by-blow account of what happened next, which at this point is still he said / she said / X-rays said.
Herold says at one point Lafave asked him to remove his $35,000 Rolex Presidential so she could massage his arms. He placed it on the floor where he could see it, but about five-to-seven minutes later it went missing.
With Lafave still there, the aggrieved massage recipient called security, which sent two officers to search the suite top to bottom at 3:15 am, probably a frequent time for security personnel to be called in Las Vegas. AND THEN:
Lafave steadfastly denied any wrongdoing, so two Metro officers combed the suite for the watch, to no avail.
There was one place they hadn’t looked.
Lafave finally admitted where the watch was, police said.
She was taken to University Medical Center, where she said she was in pain. A search warrant was signed, and an X-ray was taken of Lafave’s midsection.
“Prior to medical staff assisting Lafave with the removal of the watch she admitted to them that she had stolen a watch and concealed the item in her vagina,” a police report said.
But, somehow, the story doesn’t even end there.
The defense is going all motion to suppress on the case:
Defense lawyer Chris Rasmussen was outraged when he found out the lengths and depths police went to retrieve the watch from his client and is hoping to suppress what he said was an illegal search-and-seizure.
“We intend to file a motion to suppress the medical intrusion,” Rasmussen said. “The search is an unreasonable search when medical providers have to use equipment to conduct an invasive procedure to remove what police believe is evidence.”
Rasmussen is also simultaneously attempting to argue that the Rolex was just compensation for the massage, because we all know that a late-night Vegas massage is worth about $35,000 or so. Either way, Lafave faces two felony counts, grand larceny and possession of stolen property, and she will appear in court on May 15. It’s unclear where the watch is right now.
What an awful story for everyone involved. Just crazy. Craisins.
One last footnote: While this may be a terrific criminal vagina, it’s not the best criminal vagina. That honor belongs to Karin Mackaliunas of Scranton PA, when back in 2011 police officers found her with the following up in there: 54 bags of heroin, 31 empty bags used to package heroin, 8.5 prescription pills and $51.22. It’s the loose change that makes you go hmmm.