Hypervocal Menu


‘Do Me, She Wrote’: 3 Senior Citizens Arrested on Drug, Prostitution Charges in NJ

Share on FacebookTweet about this on Twitter

Slade Sohmer

By Slade Sohmer on May 14, 2013

Old people are still fucking. A lot.

We know this because these lovable ol’ wrinkly sex fools are transmitting diseases at a record clip. The number of 50-, 60- and 70-year-olds catching chlamydia, syphilis and gonorrhea has doubled in the past decade, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Older people with HIV? The rate has nearly doubled over that time.

But how can we trust elderly folks to use condoms when they’re not even cool with obeying the laws of the land? Authorities in New Jersey “have arrested three people following allegations of prostitution and drug use at a senior citizen housing complex,” according to NJ.com.

Authorities have charged 75-year-old James Parham and 66-year-old Cheryl Chaney with possessing drug paraphernalia and maintaining a drug nuisance at the Vincente Tibbs Senior Citizen Building in Englewood.
Detective Capt. Timothy Torell tells The Record newspaper Parham also admitted providing prostitutes to some of his younger neighbors.

Lord only knows what Don Héctor “Tio” Salamanca would have been up to if he didn’t have a motor neurone disease. DING indeed!

Let’s all make sure these randy old-timers watch this PSA again.

• ‘Hurry Up and Die’: Japan Finance Min. Wants to Wipe Out Elderly
Not Your Grandma’s Safe Sex PSA (Wait, It Is)
This Is What the World’s Oldest Woman Looks Like

Share on FacebookTweet about this on Twitter