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Scientists Teach Sea Lion to Dance to Backstreet Boys, Call It Breakthrough

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By Greg Seals on April 2, 2013

Scientists at the University of California, Santa Cruz have just conclusively proved the long-held supposition of renowned theorist Deee-Lite, that groove really is in the heart. The non-human mammalian heart, that is.

Enter Ronan, UCSC’s latest scientific breakthrough, but most importantly, now the bestworst wedding dancer who won’t stop demanding fish over chicken for her entree. Previously, scientists had believed that only animals capable of vocal mimicry, such as cockatoos, budgerigars and other birds, were capable of learning rhythmic movement. No longer! This scientific breakthrough was a group effort that wouldn’t have been possible without the assistance of fellow researchers, Earth, Wind & Fire.

We’ll skip the accustations of animal cruelty for making this poor animal dance against her will to Backstreet Boys, since she prefers Earth, Wind, and Fire’s “Boogie Wonderland.” Just please god, no one teach her the Harlem Shake — that’s how the sea lion equivalent of the Planet of the Apes begins.

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