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You Too Can Own a Box of Disgusting Red Sox Hobo Beard Trimmings

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Marisa Kabas

By Marisa Kabas on November 21, 2013

If you’re into collecting important sports memorabilia and are also a sick fuck, today is your lucky day.

Razor maker Gillette announced on Thursday that it would be auctioning off “hair balls” from the shaved beards of Boston Red Sox players David Ortiz and Shane Victorino. Proceeds would go to the Movember charity. And, if you act now, they’ll also throw in the razors used to shave the ballers’ beards and encase both razor and ball in a collector’s case!

You might recall that during the Red Sox 2013 playoff run and ultimate World Series win the team decided to grow out some of the most unsightly facial hair ever seen on this side of the Atlantic. To those New England hooligans it was a badge of honor, but to the rest of us it was a cruel affront to our eyes and standards of decency everywhere. So why wouldn’t you want to have a reminder of this dark time staring at you from your mantle while you try to decompress and enjoy an episode of Homeland?

We’ve never done anything like this,” said Hooman Shahidi, senior brand manager for Gillette,” in a statement. “But their facial hair has been the symbol of the team since spring training and became part of baseball lore. We hope the shavings help raise awareness for important men’s health issues and find good homes with passionate fans.”

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As of noon Friday, Ortiz and Victorino’s scragballs were going for $2,185 and $908.88, respectively. May these bidders never cross our paths.

[via ESPN]
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