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Whose Face Should Adorn the Platinum Trillion-Dollar Coin?

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By Greg Seals on January 4, 2013

Oh, what’s that behind your ear? I think you’ve got a little something, wait! Hold on. Let me get that for you. Ahhhhh! Here it is.

It’s a marvelous freshly minted platinum trillion-dollar coin, and some, like Rep. Jerry Nadler, think it could be the answer to the idiotic, manmade debt ceiling we’ll face again in about two months.

Before this morning, I thought such a magical currency only existed when you caught a leprechaun, guessed Rumpelstiltskin’s name or saw Chris Angel do Vegas street magic, but apparently it’s a perfectly legal solution.

31 USC § 5112 (k) The Secretary [of the Treasury] may mint and issue platinum bullion coins and proof platinum coins in accordance with such specifications, designs, varieties, quantities, denominations, and inscriptions as the Secretary, in the Secretary’s discretion, may prescribe from time to time.

Under U.S. law, the Secretary of the Treasury can basically play Tooth Fairy and create currency out of thin air, leaving it under the proverbial pillow of the Federal Reserve. Isn’t it cute to imagine Timothy Geithner dressed up as the Tooth Fairy? Maybe he could star alongside The Rock in a sequel to that movie that actually happened. So why platinum? Does the Fed have a sponsorship deal with the coolest of brews, Bud Light Platinum? They wish! No, there are laws in place to regulate the amount of gold, silver or paper currency in circulation, which rules out a trillion-dollar bill (sorry Mr. Burns).

Since I only half-completed my state quarterhood collection and still call my dad each time I fill out any tax form, I recommend this terrific piece by Joe Weisenthal for further reading on the finer economic workings of the coin trick. (Spoiler: It’s mostly trolling to point out the absurdities of a debt ceiling.)

A White House Petition is circulating, as is the Twitter hashtag #mintthecoin. So if the coin does end up being stamped, it’ll need a likeness to be sculpted onto its rich surface. We here at HyperVocal thought we could offer up a few suggestions. Leave your own in the comments below …

Zombie Reagan eating a jelly bean

Zombie Reagan

Michelle Obama’s Arms

Obama Arms

Hillary Clinton’s blood clot

Hillary Clinton Blood Clot

Since it was his idea in the first place, Mr. Burns


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