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Man Arrested For Rubbing Pepperoni On His Exposed Baloney Pony In Grocery Store

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By HVnews on May 17, 2013

Meat-on-meat crime is out of control in Potsdam.

allison+john+finalState police arrested 41-year-old John Allison after a grocery store security officer watched him rub “a packaged stick of pepperoni on his exposed penis,” according to 7news.

Police said Allison then put the food back on the shelf. Here’s where they lose us:

In addition to public lewdness, Allison was also charged with fourth-degree criminal mischief because Hannaford is unable to sell the pepperoni.

Hmm, seems to me someone out there with a bizarre food-slash-phallic fetish would be willing to splurge on the item should it come up for bid.

Either way, his defense should be very Costanza-heavy:

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[Allison image via WWNY]
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