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If CPACers Are Cruising For Gay Sex This Year, They’re Not On Craigslist

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Slade Sohmer


By Slade Sohmer on March 14, 2013


This time last year, we had some fun at the expense of 10 conservatives cruising Craigslist for discreet gay sex at the Conservative Political Action Conference, the annual Republican Woodstock held in Washington DC.

Either the discreet M4M subset wised up after the post went viral or they’ve moved to location-based apps like Grindr or Scruff, but there isn’t any Craigslist action going on at CPAC 2013. Of the three personals that mention CPAC right now, only one is a conservative looking for like-minded folks (the top two is one liberal aiming to please the other side of the aisle).

cpac craigslist

This year’s event, held at the Gaylord National Resort and Convention Center, isn’t nearly as DTF as previous CPACs, but this guy is up:

Hey guys…I was wondering if there were any gay, bi, or curious guys going to CPAC. I’m not looking for anything crazy…just to meet a new friend, a fellow conservative. If you have a hotel room at the Gaylord, we could maybe escape the crowds and head up there…who knows what could happen :-).

I’m white, 28, masculine, very discrete, DDF, and an overall fun guy to be around. Most of my friends who will be there don’t know I’m gay, so it would be cool if you were discrete as well. I don’t mind people knowing…just want to control the time and place they find out. Get my drift?

If we meet up and it turns out we don’t really hit it off, no worries. We’ll just go our separate ways. No pressure for anything sexual…mostly just looking for a CPAC buddy.

Hit me up! Oh…and since most of the guys reading this ad are liberals, I’d be happy to explain why the conservative agenda is more pro-gay than liberalism. If you’re interested, that is…. :-)

We’ll try to get down there and see what’s up on Grindr, but in the meantime here’s a repeat of last year’s hilarity, because it’s that good.

cpac

If it’s too small, click to enlarge (that’s what he said?).

The Reluctant Penetrator


This dude’s a pro, throwing out online cruising acronyms like “HWP” (height/weight proportionate, aka “not you, fatty”). Although nobody must have ever pointed out to him that “discrete” means separate or distinct; he’s looking for “discreet,” which means “I’ll literally kill you if you threaten to tell.”

The OCD Bottom


Short and sweet: I’m young and clean, you’re young and clean, let’s do this. Bring lube and Lysol.

 

The Just Jerker


You may think you’re living on the down-low, bud, but if you describe yourself in real-life to real people as having “auburn” hair, everyone already knows you’re gay.

 

The Group Leader


Now this is a guy we can all get behind (erm, sorry). Forget these one-on-one heavy-petting seshes — it’s Caligula time! Response must be sorely lacking, however, as he posted two similar ads this week. This one (NSFW pic) says a “couple guys got together last year, and it was a really good time.” Surely. Uber-repressed group action must be arms and limbs and flag pins flyin’ around like crazy. Hot.

 

The Silver Fox


Awesome typo: This dude’s clearly seeking a ‘fu’ shot. Bonus points for pointing out that he will be wearing a coat and tie downstairs, as opposed to just a towel and a cell phone. (Also: Chris Lee?)

 

The Patriot With a Daddy Complex


It’s time to play matchmaker. Lookin’ for an older guy? There’s a silver fox right there! Although this 175-pound twink (is that possible?) sure puts up a lot of hurdles before making a connection.

 

The Home-wrecking Hate Fucker


Are you white, married, hairy and discreet? It’s not clear this guy is part of CPAC — in fact, it seems that he’s just interested in servicing you while you’re in town and away from the Mrs. For a guy who says he’s into the conservative type, CPAC must be like Vegas coming to his hometown.

 

The Paranoid Hornball


Most people cruising Craigslist spend time describing themselves and what kind of guy they’re into. This guy’s approach seems to be “I don’t care whatcha look like, just be as scared of being outed as I am.”

 

The Bi Masc Jock


No jokes about him at all. Even money that he’s the closeted heartthrob of CPAC. Go get ‘im, fellers.

 

The Friend Seeker


Either he’s the Forever Alone who’s finally ready to find himself a true mate, or this is the type of unassuming ad that will lead to a very bad GHB-fueled night of non-consensual BDSM.

Good luck one and all — here’s to hoping you find that special someone.

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