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Female Assailants: Wear a Low-Cut Dress, You’ll Never Be Fingered*

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Slade Sohmer


By Slade Sohmer on April 12, 2013


Here’s a free pro-tip: If you argue with a woman about a parking spot, if she intentionally rams your car, before she drives away you must get a good look at something relating to her vehicle — the color, the make and model, the license plate — rather than gawking at the cleavage formed by her low-cut dress. The San Francisco Chronicle is on the best story of the week:

A woman intentionally rammed her car into a man’s car while arguing over a parking spot in the Haight, but the victim was so focused on her low-cut dress that all he could describe to officers afterward were her breasts, San Francisco police said Thursday.

The woman drove away after hitting the man’s car at Haight and Cole streets at 5 p.m. Tuesday, said Park Station Officer Al Wu. The man couldn’t tell officers what kind of car it was, let alone supply a license-plate number, but he “was able to give a detailed description of the suspect’s cleavage,” police said.

The police are currently fighting to choose who’s in the lineup.

Men are idiots, mostly. Dude, take some friendly Kitty advice:

up here michael

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No word on whether the victim was Chris Elliott in Get a Life:

*Fingered as in the police/witness sense, you pervs.

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