There are some pretty obvious do’s and don’t’s when breaking into someone’s home. Not that we’re experts in that type of thing, but certainly criminals should use some basic common sense.
After a man was busted this week sticking around to drink some beers, leaving his prints on the cans, we thought we’d round up seven ways dumb criminals have been caught. We’ll start with Mr. Never Seen CSI:
Don’t Drink and Rob
Earlier this week, 29-year-old Moses Wilson was arrested for stealing copper piping from a vacant rental home in Syracuse. He was caught because he found an unopened case of beer during the robbery and decided it would be smart to drink a few, and even smarter to then leave the empties with his fingerprints on them at the scene of the crime.
C’mon, brah, even Young Horatio Caine can solve that one.
Don’t Try to Breastfeed a Stranger’s Baby
In April 2012, Rebecca Silva was arrested and charged with unlawful occupancy for breaking into a home in eastern South Dakota. Silva, who was “apparently intoxicated,” preceded to try to breastfeed the two-month-old child inside the home. She then subsequently crawled into bed like nothing ever happened. Until someone informs us otherwise, we’re going to assume that this type of thing is normal in South Dakota.
Don’t Clean a Messy House
When your grandchildren ask you how bad the recent recession was, tell them the story of Sue Warren. Warren, or the “cleaning fairy,” was arrested in May 2012 for breaking into a Ohio home and cleaning it. So how did she get caught? She left a napkin with her name, address and a bill for $75. Warren told the police she randomly chose the house and that she “cleaned it cause she was desperate for money.” It’s likely an economist would call Warren’s action a positive externality.
Don’t Get Festive
It may be a bit premature to start putting up Christmas decorations in mid-November. It is especially inappropriate, however, if you’re decorating someone else’s house. In 2011, 44-year-old Terry Tent, aka the Grinch who started Christmas too early, did just that in Ohio. Most likely it is because he was on bath salts, which makes a lot of sense.
Don’t Shower in Your Victim’s Home
One can only imagine how bad Timothy Chapek stank when he decided to break into a Portland, Oregon, woman’s house to take a shower. Chapek might have gotten away with his B&E shower plot had the owner of the home not walked in while he was still in the bathroom. It also didn’t help that Chapek called the police on himself, saying “I just broke into a house, and the owners came home. I think they have guns.”
Don’t Forget to Log Out of Facebook
Jonathan Parker of Pennsylvania was arrested in 2009 for burglary. He was caught because during the act, he decided to slow things down and check his Facebook page on the victim’s computer. Police said Parker wanted a friend to assist in the break-in but the friend refused, which may be why Parker ultimately failed. Said friend could have helped with the difficult tasks of REMEMBERING TO LOG OFF OF FACEBOOK.
Don’t Flee and Drink
This one’s more about what happened after a B&E: In May, police in South Florida were on the lookout for suspect Andrew Fatzinger after being alerted of a potential break-in. Police saw Fatzinger pacing around the house and when they called out to him, he began to run. During the epic chase, involving a helicopter and K-9s, Fatzinger stopped at a house, took two Heineken’s from their patio and then continued running. He was caught by one of the K-9s and subsequently arrested by a police officer.
So what have we all learned from this? Dumb criminals will always get caught because they’re dumb. Watch some TV dramas, folks.
Max Cea, Jack Polivy and Brett Rosner contributed to this round-up.