Right-Wing Radio Host Makes 'Cold Beer' New 'Wide Stance'

Sometimes a beer is just a beer …

At 11 pm on January 31, a black Chevrolet Tahoe drove backwards about 70 feet before hitting a Volkswagen Passat. The driver then fled the scene. Local story, just a $1,500 accident, no big deal.

The story grew legs when the driver of the Tahoe was identified to police by the Passat’s owner as Michael Berry, a former Houston city councilman and prominent right-wing talk radio host known for angry race-baiting and religion-inspired rants. The story became even more salacious when it was revealed the accident took place outside an establishment called TC’s Show Bar, a popular gay hangout that puts on nightly drag shows. Several customers, the bouncer (who owns the Passat) and surveillance video placed Berry inside the bar that evening.

Berry has not been charged with the alleged hit-and-run or fleeing the scene of an accident. On Tuesday, against the “expensive” advice of his lawyers, he opened up about “the smear campaign” on his radio show.

“I went into a bar,” he told his audience on Tuesday. “There were gay people inside. You know why I went in to a bar? Let me confess. Because there was cold beer waiting inside. Is that a crime? The fact that I’m not afraid of the fact that some of the people inside may be gay makes it a bad thing? Would it have been better if I was at a strip club, or a Hooters? Well if it would then maybe you should now know, I don’t hate gays. I don’t fear gays. I don’t need to bash gays.”

It doesn’t much matter whether Berry is gay or not — his small-minded bigotry appears to be directed at other minorities like Muslims (there’s only so much hate speech to go around). But from a sheer comedy perspective, is that the worst “I’m not gay” denial in recent history? “Because there was cold beer waiting inside” — gay or straight, who says that? Sounds like a Schmitt’s Gay commercial.

Sure, Houston has thousands of bars, but let’s go out of the way to some drag club for the cold beer? Of course, everyone knows gay bars serve the coldest beer in town! Don’t you know, fools — that’s part of the gay agenda, to pour the frothiest, chilliest beers in all the cities and towns (and to never jack up the prices to make up for the cranked-up nondrinkers chugging water and grinding their teeth). You know why gay bars have the coldest beer? To prepare for an eternity in hell for crimes of hedonistic sin.

Berry said he went into the bar because he didn’t want to be bothered. A decent-looking man flying solo in a gay bar may not be pestered for autographs, but chances are he will be bothered in some way. Berry should consult The Onion‘s finest work: “Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?”

If you’re curious, or even bi-curious, here’s Berry’s radio show denial:

Let’s blame it all on the liberal media. It’s the liberal media’s fault he was spotted in a gay bar. It’s the liberal media’s fault this guy allegedly fled the scene of an accident. It’s the liberal media’s fault people love to hear “conservative” and “gay bar” in the same sentence. Yup, take no personal responsibility for anything and point the finger somewhere else, that’s the way to not practice what you preach.

And, because it’s Texas, this seems pertinent:

SEE ALSO: 10 Conservatives Cruising Craigslist for Gay Sex at CPAC