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A Sober ‘Jersey Shore’? Predictions for a Rehabbed Sitch

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By HVentertainment on March 21, 2012

Professional guido and walking abdominal washboard Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino has entered an inpatient treatment program, reports TMZ, due to “exhaustion” after a hectic touring schedule. Since the show debuted in 2009, Sorrentino has been paid large sums of money to drink both on screen ($100,000 an episode, according to CelebrityNetWorth.com) and at various clubs (he has asked for up to $100,000 for a single appearance).

This season on Jersey Shore, we may see it catch up with him. In an episode where the gang goes camping, says TMZ, Sorrentino “can be seen acting jittery, sweating profusely and just plain acting bizarre.” Sources say the cast and crew are excited that the 29-year-old former underwear model is getting help, and they hope he’s healthy enough to film season 6.

So the big question is, will Sitch be sober?

A pregnant and engaged Snooki, 22, has already signed on to film. If a post-rehab Sorrentino joins, the dramatic tension of the show will change drastically as the two biggest stars struggle to maintain their sobriety and abstain from nearly everything the other cast members do. It might be the first season where the show’s action doesn’t hinge entirely on alcohol consumption. I could envision a two-episode subplot where the two stars start a book club and tackle A Visit From the Goon Squad while Pauly D. and JWoww pound it out with their smush buddies in the Lovecuzzi.

Meanwhile, Sitch may find that his GTL routine makes for a meditative home remedy to keep himself focused on not being a sloppopotamus on set. Will Pauly, his BFF, grow resentful? As the remaining cast members are forced to confront their profound ugliness as human beings, will the newly divided house provide better drama than ever?

Yeah, season 6 is gonna be fucking weird.

UPDATE: Sorrentino’s weirdly Gawker-esque site SitchNews.com released this statement:

As we said earlier today, many sources have been falsely reporting stories about The Situation being in rehab – but we would like to clarify what is going on, and I have a message from Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino himself …

“I want to set the record straight. I have voluntarily taken steps to get control of a prescription medication problem I had due to exhaustion. I have spent the past several weeks getting treatment for this problem and recuperating from my work and appearance schedule. I appreciate my fans support and love you guys.”


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