Can't Use Pink, Kid: Rick Santorum Only Likes Boys With Blue Balls

This story originally ran on our DC-focused politics and media site Distriction.

“You’re not gonna use the pink ball. We’re not gonna let you do that. Not on camera.” Santorum to a young fella bowling with him

— Sam Youngman (@samyoungman) March 28, 2012

Rick Santorum is a man. Everything about him screams ‘I’M A MANLY MAN DAMMIT.’ Just look at that sweater vest. That’s a man’s look. A manly man’s look. He looks like a manly man.

You know what Rick Santorum would never do? Use a pink bowling ball. It’s not manly. It’s girly. And because he would never use a pink bowling ball, he’s going to bully some boy at one of his rallies by telling him it’s not okay to use a pink bowling ball.

“You’re not gonna use the pink ball. We’re not gonna let you do that. Not on camera,” Santorum said. “Friends don’t let friends use pink bowling balls,” he added.

Kid, listen to this man: He knows what it means to be a man. You’re just a confused little boy who doesn’t realize that one day it’s pink bowling balls, the next it’s fondling another man’s balls, and the day after that it’s marrying a dog. Logic: The Rick Santorum Way.

If there’s one thing Rick Santorum likes, it’s strict, clearly defined gender normative roles. If there’s one thing Rick Santorum hates, it’s the color pink on boys and men. See?