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Quote of the Day: ‘Do You Want Your Parking Attendant Dead or Alive?’

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By HVnews on March 27, 2012

Ah, Iowa, land of hunting accidents, Jell-O molds and through-the-roof suicide rates.

It’s also the state of this bizarre possible-assault-slash-threat: Derick A. Thoene, 28, walked into Iowa City hall Monday and allegedly told the receptionist, “I have your parking attendant in the trunk of my car. Do you want him dead or alive?”

Thoene told police he’d been upset and “elevated in emotion” about a parking ticket. From the article, it isn’t clear if the parking attendant has made it out of Thoene’s trunk or if he was ever in there to begin with, but from the details of his arrest — “charged with disorderly conduct … abusive epithets/threat gesture, a simple misdemeanor” — it’s pretty clear it was an empty threat; Thoene didn’t touch the guy. He simply said, “Dude, you live in Iowa,” and the parking attendant gorged himself on 15 Tater Tot casseroles and jumped in the way of a Mack truck.


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