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Happy Anniversary: 11 Occupy Wall St. Spin-offs You May Have Missed

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Slade Sohmer

By Slade Sohmer on September 17, 2012

Occupy Wall Street, the progressive protest movement whose success is in the eye of the partisan beholder, celebrated its first anniversary today.

How did the Zuccotti Park protesters celebrate this momentous occasion? By being arrested, mainly. The National Lawyers Guild reported NYPD officers made more than 70 arrests before 10 am.

The OWS movement’s “We are the 99 percent” rally cry extended far beyond Wall Street, and one only has to comb through countless column inches to see the issues of economic justice and fairness splashed on pages previously deaf to this significant source of societal ill.

In post after post here at HyperVocal, we covered OWS from all possible angles — the serious, the absurd, the troubling, the Tea Party antithesis, the viral, even the porn — but in honor of this one-year anniversary, we thought we’d harken back to an October 2011 post in which we chronicled the Occupy Wall Street spin-offs that didn’t quite materialize.

Occupy Bourbon Street

Rally cry: “It’s unfair that 99% of beads are collected by the bustiest 1%.”

Key demand: “TITS OR GTFO!”

Occupy 221B Baker Street

Rally cry: “Lenders and Big Banks don’t got a clue — they caused this housing crisis!”

Key demand: “It’s elementary: Stop foreclosing on our Holmes!”

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Occupy Picabo Street

Rally cry: “It’s outrageous that one woman controls so many of our precious medals!”

Key demand: “Take down the moguls!”

Occupy Easy Street

Rally cry: “It’s the hard-knock life for us! ‘Steada Congress, we get schmucks! ‘Steada Progress, we get f*&ked! It’s the hard-knock life for us!”

Key demand: “What do we want? More ‘Bucks! When do we want it? Tomorrow!”

Occupy Baker Street

Rally cry: “We used to think that it was so easy, we used to say that it was so easy, but we’re tryin’ now…”

Key demand: “More sax solos in mainstream music by Raphael Ravenscroft!”

Occupy 21 Jump Street

Rally cry: “How can we get a good education with all these goddamn narcs around?”

Key demand: “Less Debt, more Depp!”

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Start Spreadin’ “The Raid on Zuccotti Park”

Occupy Shakedown Street

Rally cry: “Let’s put an end to corporate-backed grilled cheeese, man! Buy local!”

Key demand: “Nitrous balloons should go back down to 3 for $10, brahh.”

Occupy Elm Street

Rally cry: “Our American Dream has become a nightmare! Wake up, America!”

Key demand: “Repeal the 2003 Freddy vs. Jason decision!”

Occupy Miracle on 34th Street

Rally cry: “People like Kringle do the jobs Americans don’t want!”

Key demands: “Open chimneys! More handouts! End elf discrimination in the workshop!”

Occupy Fleet Street

Rally cry: “Blood on your hands! Blood on your hands!”

Key demand: “No more cuts — they’re killing us!”

Occupy Lombard Street

Rally cry: “This place is headed downhill! You’re all crooked!”

Key demand: “Too much right and left — give it to us straight!”

Nate Erickson contributed to this nonsense. Follow him @NateErickson.

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