“South African Man Seeks Midget to Kick Ex.” This is how cult-classic romantic comedies start, right? Bitter, jealous ex-boyfriend posts a classified ad that says, “I was recently dumped and require the services of a midget to go and kick my ex-girlfriend in the shins whilst she is at work.” He hires a strikingly handsome little person, sends him on his shin-kicking task — but doesn’t expect his ex-girlfriend to fall in love with her tiny assailant!
This is a real story, minus the whole falling-in-love thing. The man’s name is Brett. He works for a marketing company. He told The Star via phone, “I clearly took it out because I want my ex-girlfriend to be kicked in the shins. Midget revenge is the only form of revenge that works these days,” and added that a friend of his “required a midget to do flick-flacks and breathe fire at [his] wedding.”
Don’t you think this ad is a little offensive and discriminatory, Brett? Nope. “Fuck if I care. They know they are midgets. I’m not being politically correct about this.”
IOL News says he got one response, from a woman named Audrey who said she was “relatively short” and had good “spiky heels” for the job. “Sometimes I’ve bad days and perhaps giving someone a mild kicking would help,” she said. But Brett turned her down, telling her, “If you’re not a midget, you’re a waste of time and space. Sorry. Declined.”