Hypervocal Menu


Guantánamo Bay Prisoners Really Love ‘The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air’

Share on FacebookTweet about this on Twitter

Slade Sohmer

By Slade Sohmer on August 9, 2012

Here’s a mindgrape-crushing info nugget from today’s Miami Herald: “Harry Potter books are passé among the prisoners. The adventures of the boy wizard have been supplanted by early episodes of Will Smith’s 1990s TV comedy, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, as a popular way to pass time among the 168 captives now in their second decade of U.S. detention. ‘I just ordered all six seasons,’ says librarian Milton, a Defense Department contractor who gives only his first name to visiting journalists.”

So, natch, we did this. Sing along:

Now this is a story all about how
The infidels flipped me upside down
And I’d like to take a minute just sit down, yo
I’ll tell you how I became a prisoner at a camp called GITMO

In Saudi Arabia, born and raised
Hatin’ women is how I spent most of my days
Chillin’ out, maxin’, relaxin’ at mi casa,
Yellin’ ‘Death to the West’ outside the madrassa

When a couple of yanks who were up to no good
Started making trouble in my holy hood

I got in one li’l jihad screamin’ “We hate ham!”
Then Rummy said “We’re moving you to Cuba to live with Uncle Sam”

When I whistled for a cab after the attack
The license plate said HANNITY and it had Truck Nutz on the back
It was like this cabbie had his own passion play
But I thought, “Naw forget it, yo homes to the Bay!”

I pulled up to the jail about 7 or 8
I yelled to the cabby “Yo, homes, waterboard me later”
In my bright orange jumpsuit I was all aglow
Now I sit on my throne as the Prince of GITMO.

Will Smith Leads BBC Audience in ‘Fresh Prince’ Sing-along
Alfonso Ribeiro Leads “Carlton Dance” Flash Mob
Slappy Will Smith Does Not Want Ukrainian Men Kissing Him
This Baby Is Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It

Share on FacebookTweet about this on Twitter