If Fox News insists on calling Joe Arpaio “America’s Toughest Sheriff” without any hint of irony, then maybe it should introduce Dr. Keith Ablow as “America’s Smartest Psychiatrist.”

You may remember Dr. Ablow from such atrocities as suggesting Chaz Bono’s “Dancing With the Stars” appearance will encourage li’l tomboys to want penises and helping Glenn Beck sell self-help books by calling him “the country’s therapist” while seemingly approving his book cover man-boy love.

Dr. Ablow, who earlier this week penned a column called “America is Drunk” in which he decried “the crumbling state of marriage in this country,” let his love of Newt Gingrich cloud his judgment enough that he decided to write the dumbest thing ever posted on FoxNews.com (and that’s saying something).

Ladies and gentlemen, take a gander at “Newt Gingrich’s three marriages mean he might make a strong president — really,” Dr. Keith Ablow’s treatise on why he should be stripped of his doctor title and license to practice on why Gingrich’s infidelity is a good thing.

So let’s get this straight: America is under attack by “the crumbling state of marriage in this country,” yet Newt Gingrich’s asking for an open marriage after admitting a six-year affair and leaving his two previous wives while they were in treatment for cancer and Multiple Sclerosis is a good thing? Gee, thanks doc.

Ablow begins the specious column with his biggest piece of hypocrisy: “As I have written before for Fox News Opinion, I don’t think voters belong in a candidate’s bedroom. But the media can’t seem to help itself from trying to castrate candidates for the prurient pleasure of the public.” Does he not get the irony in that? Does he not get that he put himself not only in Chaz Bono’s bedroom, but inside his mind, in an effort to LITERALLY castrate the transgender celebrity for the good of tomboys everywhere?

What follows is a five-point piece of half-baked hogwash that unsuccessfully attempts to argue that if Gingrich has this effect on women, he must be doing something right. It’s the kind of column we would write as tongue-in-cheek, or The Onion would write in jest. But Ablow, a trained psychiatrist, is serious about this. Crumbling marriages be damned — this guy’s good for the nation!

Ablow then sums it all up with more auditioning for The Onion:

Okay, that’s it: license revoked. It’s not bad enough that he used his degree as a license to bash transgender individuals and commit verbal hate crimes, but to contradict his own moral high ground just to support a serial adulterer committing serial hypocrisy? That’s borderline criminal.

As we’ve said previously on HyperVocal, if one thing is clear in 2012, it’s that there is no such thing as “traditional marriage.” Marriage is what you make of it. There’s nothing wrong with open marriages, if all adult parties consent. Infidelity is a fact of life. We need to acknowledge this and define new marital roles. But what Gingrich was doing wasn’t asking for an open marriage — he was telling his wife that he had been carrying on a six-year affair and giving her an ultimatum, something akin to “Either you let me continue sleeping with this woman in our bed in Washington or you can pack your bags.”

And for a trained psychiatrist to blindly endorse Gingrich’s behavior after having just said the exact opposite not a full week earlier is dangerous and wholly irresponsible.

Surely there’s only one thing to do: congratulate Rupert Murdoch. In the span of a few days, two of his empire’s employees have penned the two dumbest columns in recent memory. First, New York Post hack Andrea Peyser took on the Muslim-loving Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, then Fox News shrink Keith Ablow took on those bastards calling Gingrich a hypocrite for promoting the sanctity of marriage while regularly sleeping with another woman in his wife’s bed. What an empire.

PREVIOUSLY IN ABLOW STUPIDITY:

• You Know You’re a Hack When Even FOX News Says You’re “Being Irresponsible”
• FOX News Shrink: Chaz Bono Will Make Your Li’l Tomboy Want Her Own Penis
• “America’s Therapist” Glenn Beck Pitches New Self-Help Book on Today Show

MOST RECENT BY Slade Sohmer:

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