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The 15 Weirdest Forgotten Footnotes on the Top Stories of 2012

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By Greg Seals on December 13, 2012

You’ve seen round-ups of 2012’s top news stories everywhere, oft-covered sordid tales and intriguing tragedies splashed on the front pages of websites and newspapers alike. But what about the more inane and obscure footnotes and findings that ran tangential to these stories, blips that only enjoyed a brief, under-reported moment in the sun? Rather than rehash the obvious, we here at HyperVocal thought we’d give them their own little round-up.

1. The shameful killing of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin by George Zimmerman was terrible. But the disgusting Internet-inspired act of “Trayvoning” was not far behind the unfortunate death of the teen.

We also would have accepted Trayvon becoming a gun range target.

2. A national tragedy befell the city of Aurora, Colorado, this summer. It didn’t take long for this Playboy model to crack a too-soon joke, though.

Dane Cook did too, actually, but he sucks more than she does.

3. Linsanity swept the nation, and even everyone’s favorite geriatric sex therapist, Dr. Ruth, wasn’t immune from the craze.

Also, we made this, which was fun for six minutes.

4. Whitney Houston left us far too soon, and the commenters at Fox News reacted with about as much tact as you would have expected.

5. Sandy struck the East Coast harder than any recent storm on record. But, forget about human suffering, this New Jersey mom wasn’t happy with Governor Chris Christie’s decision to postpone Halloween.

The area we live in was spared from the devastation, yet the entire state was lumped together as a giant disaster area. It didn’t matter that my town had already come up with an alternate plan, or that other towns had already assessed damages and realized that it was safe for our children to go and carry out their traditions.

Never before have I felt the presence of the government in my home as loudly as I did on Oct. 31. I found it very contradictory to the motto of our country. I did not feel free.

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6. People were so justifiably outraged by Todd “Legitimate Rape” Akin’s “shut that whole thing down” comments that they completely missed the fact that he and his wife look disturbingly alike (not ‘Shopped).

7. The world gathered this summer in the name of sport and unity, and the unimpressed Queen Elizabeth meme was born.

8. Jerry Sandusky stood trial for his heinous actions, and of course Pedobear showed up to the courthouse.

9. The Miami Heat took home the 2012 NBA Championship, and to show off their good sportsmanship, among other things, two porn stars offered everyone blowjobs to celebrate. Then it actually happened.

10. Newt Gingrich made another bid for the White House in 2012, but we all got too distracted by the fact that he looked just like The Office’s Dwight Schrute back in the ’70s to notice.

11. Chick-fil-a caused controversy this summer when its founder affirmed the company’s stance on same-sex marriage. Though we posted it back in March, before the fiasco began in earnest, these three not-quite-chicks do a brilliant job of filleting Chick-fil-A.

12. The Costa Concordia wrecked off the coast of Italy, claiming 30 lives. The tragedy made for some unfortunate cruise line ad placements.

13. Santorum, the man, not the substance, made a run for the presidency on a platform of traditional family values this year. He even went so far as to blast the homosexual agenda with his gigantic C.U.M. bomb.

14. Intergender boxer Chris Brown was challenged to a UFC-style cage fight. We interviewed the dude. It was good times.

15. Apple proved its hold on your soul and your wallet is as strong as ever with the release of the iPhone 5. But it didn’t take that long, hours really, before people began dropping and damaging them.

MORE Best of 2012:
2012’s 20 Best Moments in Sport, Captioned by Mitt Romney
Bill Murray’s 2012: The Life Exotic
Breaking Bad’s Best of 2012, Bitch!

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