Donald Trump's Big Surprise Is Yuge Letdown: Transcripts? Weak.

Low-information voter Donald Trump told Fox & Friends on Monday that he will be shaking up the campaign with “something very, very big concerning the president of the United States.” How big? “It’s going to be very big.”

Well, that clears it up.

Trump’s October surprise is out! And it’s a dud (though that won’t step every news outlet in America, including us, from reporting on this walking punchline’s shenanigans, because page views). Trump says in the hostage video he will cut a $5 million check to the charity of President Obama‘s choice if Obama gets his alma mater to release his transcripts, records and applications, and as well as his passport applications. Yuge.

Love the way he says “AIDS RESEARCH.” Perfect intonation.

Transcripts and applications. All this build-up for f*&king transcripts and applications? The man is a brilliant self-promoter like Vince McMahon, but he delivers on his hype like Geraldo Rivera. Weak.

What is Trump trying to prove exactly? How does digging up old transcripts change anything? There’s only one goal here, and that’s to stoke white fear. It’s almost as if this schmuck asking “questions” and the people who back this off-brand birtherism are legitimately scared that a racist, classist Barack H. Obama will wipe white people off the map … but only in his second term.

By the way, remember just a little more than a year ago when Donald Trump led a hypothetical Republican field in credible polls?

Tweet of the Day in response:

Louis C.K. is already offering Obama’s college and passport records exclusively on his website for only $5.

— Greg Seals (@GregSeals) October 24, 2012