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Crazy Nastyass Ashton Kutcher Don’t Give a Sh!t About Demi Moore

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By Cooper Fleishman on January 26, 2012

This is Ashton Kutcher.

Watch him run in slow motion into a limo with a blonde lady. He’s pretty badass, look.

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Now look, Demi is in the hospital. She might’ve inhaled nitrous oxide and had a seizure. She might’ve just been stressed and exhausted. You think the Ashton Kutcher cares? No, he doesn’t give a shit. Now look, here’s a house full of bees. Ashton’s getting stung, like, a thousand times. He doesn’t give a shit; he’s hungry. Nothing can stop the Ashton when he’s hungry. Get away from me, says a snake. Ashton Kutcher don’t care. Ashton Kutcher smacks the shit out of it.

Ew, he’s eating larvae. Look, he’s cheating on his wife on their anniversary with a woman more than half her age. He eats larvae. How disgusting is that? He eats larvae. Oh, the Ashton Kutchers are just crazy. He’s been referred to by TMZ as the most fearless actor in the entire actor kingdom. He really don’t give a shit. Ashton Kutcher don’t care. Ashton Kutcher don’t give a shit, he just takes what he wants.

Oh, little does Ashton Kutcher know: FYI, it’s been stuuung. Look at that sleepy fuck. So the Ashton Kutcher is gonna pass out for a few minutes, then it’s going to get right back up and start eating all over again, ’cause it’s a hungry little bastard. How disgusting. Look, he gets right back up and starts acting in Two and a Half Men! So of course, what does Ashton Kutcher have to eat for the next few weeks? Jon Cryer.

He really has no regard for any animal whatsoever.

Ew, he’s chasing things and eating them. Ashton Kutchers have a fairly long body, but a distinctly thick set of broad shoulders, and their skin is loose, allowing them to move about freely, and they twist around.

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