Bristol's Laughable Traditional Marriage Retort to Obama Click here to see the CRAZIEST anti-gay wingnut ever. Literally. You know who seems like a perfectly reasonable expert on traditional marriage? Bristol Palin. The dancingest daughter of political celebrity Sarah Palin signed her name to the most laughable reaction thus far to President Obama’s groundbreaking endorsement of marriage equality on Wednesday. In a specious bit of reasoning called “Hail to the Chiefs – Malia and Sasha Obama,” the evidently flawless Bristol attacks the president for seeing the world through the eyes of his daughters. The post chastises Obama for this particular part of his comments: “You know, Malia and Sasha, they have friends whose parents are same-sex couples. There have been times where Michelle and I have been sitting around the dinner table and we’re talking about their friends and their parents and Malia and Sasha, it wouldn’t dawn on them that somehow their friends’ parents would be treated differently. It doesn’t make sense to them and, frankly, that’s the kind of thing that prompts a change in perspective.” Palin offered this unflinchingly idiotic take at Patheos.com: While it’s great to listen to your kids’ ideas, there’s also a time when dads simply need to be dads. In this case, it would’ve been helpful for him to explain to Malia and Sasha that while her friends parents are no doubt lovely people, that’s not a reason to change thousands of years of thinking about marriage. Or that – as great as her friends may be – we know that in general kids do better growing up in a mother/father home. Ideally, fathers help shape their kids’ worldview. In this situation, it was the other way around. I guess we can be glad that Malia and Sasha aren’t younger, or perhaps today’s press conference might have been about appointing Dora the Explorer as Attorney General because of her success in stopping Swiper the Fox. Sometimes dads should lead their family in the right ways of thinking. In this case, it would’ve been nice if the President would’ve been an actual leader and helped shape their thoughts instead of merely reflecting what many teenagers think after one too many episodes of Glee. Palin is totes right. Daddy Obama should have sat his daughters down and said this: “Look, kids, I know you think ‘Glee’ is real life, but it’s not. In real life, gays are malicious people who want to ruin mine and Mommy’s marriage by merely saying ‘I do.’ You know that guy Newt Gingrich who hates me? The reason he got divorced twice is because Jack Tripper pretended to be gay on ‘Three’s Company’ (AND MR. FERLEY NEVER FIGURED IT OUT!). Never heard of it? Netflix it later. Anyway, my point is, it’s my job as a good shepherd to tell you that gay people are different than you guys, and really, they’re worse. Much worse. They don’t deserve to marry the ones they love, because marriage is a sacred institution that some guy made up a long time ago, probably for money. Always remember my advice to you that marriage is between one man and one woman. That’s it. Two perfect people. The only exception to this is when it’s between one man who will flaunt his jocky little bubble butt on Playgirl and one woman who lives in a glass house and tends to forget she had a baby out of wedlock.” Yeah, that would have done the trick. Thanks for the advice, Bristol! Follow us! Go ’head and click and Follow Us Slade Sohmer Slade Sohmer is editor-in-chef of HyperVocal and co-host of SiriusXM's daily "Politics Powered By Twitter" program. Tweet him at @SladeHV.