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Pay Day, Muthafu@&a: Tonight, It’s Your Chance to Win the $640 Mega Millions Jackpot

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Slade Sohmer


By Slade Sohmer on March 30, 2012


Tonight’s the night: ‘May the odds be ever in your favor’

(photo via Kevork Djansezian/Getty)

It’s a 1 in 176 million shot. But like Lloyd Christmas, we’re telling you there’s a chance.

Theoretically, you could throw down $176 million and guarantee yourself the winning number combination to Friday night’s Mega Millions lottery. This would be one of those rare occasions where you’d still come out ahead if you tried that strategy. After nobody purchased a winning ticket for Tuesday’s multi-state lotto, the jackpot soared above $400 million, then to $500 million, then $540 million, now $640 million. (By the way, if nobody wins tonight, that jackpot will start at $975 million, sources say.)

Want the lump sum payout? That’ll be $462 million. After federal taxes, you’ve got more than $300M.

Here are some comforting statistics from Mike Catalano, chairman of the mathematics department at Dakota Wesleyan University, who told the Associated Press, “You are about 50 times as likely to get struck by lightning as to win the lottery, based on the 90 people a year getting struck by lightning.”

Catalano also noted you’re about 8,000 times more likely to be murdered, about 20,000 times more likely to die in a car crash. So, um, think about that while you’re buying tickets today.

But it’s fun to dream. It really is. For just a fleeting couple of hours at most, it’s heartening to think of a life spent rolling around in F*&k You Money, taking Scrooge McDuck-like baths in gold coins, the public good you can do with it, the private good, the trips you’d take, the houses and cars you’d buy, the ways in which you’d make it rain everywhere you went, the ways in which you’d buy things for relatives and laugh off the second-tier hangers-on who show up when they hear you’ve won the golden ticket.

Oh yeah, it’s fun to dream of fancy things, of a better life, of an existence spent with no financial worry. Go ahead. Take the day and dream. Take the day and envision that life. You deserve it.

But remember, if you don’t win, you can still be happy without it. It’s all in the mind. And the hips.

Now, here’s a little round-up people waiting in line for tickets:

(photo via Kevork Djansezian/Getty)

(photo via Steve Marcus, Las Vegas Sun)

(photo via John Locher, Las Vegas Sun)

Good luck one and all. Share it with your friends at HyperVocal.

 

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