10 Snarkiest Tweets About the New iPad

Techies are drooling over Apple’s latest design: the “new iPad” (not the iPad 3 or the iPad HD, mind you), which features a display with a higher resolution than actual human vision and — gasp! — a home button. Time to throw away your piece-of-shit iPad 2’s and wait in line for four hours, because this thing is really, really shiny and innovative. Just look at the Retina Display logo!

Here’s what the snarky bastards on Twitter had to say about it:

Holy shit!The iPad 3 just released the iPad 4!

— Alex Baze (@bazecraze) March 7, 2012

YOU CAN GET ON THE INTERNET WITH IT. #thenewipad

— Josh Greenman (@joshgreenman) March 7, 2012

The monthly 3G contract will come with mandatory birth control. #ipad3features

— daveweigel (@daveweigel) March 7, 2012

The iPad HD is going to revolutionize the way you play pointless games while pooping.

— Funny Or Die (@funnyordie) March 6, 2012

Quick, everybody post the screen resolution of the new Apple thing. Ready? Go.

— Ian Boudreau (@iboudreau) March 7, 2012

New iPad features far superior display resolution, speed for leaving vulgar uninformed ad-hominem comments on blog posts.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) March 7, 2012

My favorite feature on the new iPad is the built-in panini-griller.

— jimgeraghty (@jimgeraghty) March 7, 2012

Being pretend bored by Apple product releases is the new being unnecessarily excited by Apple product releases #iPad

— e mcmorris-santoro (@evanmc_s) March 7, 2012

@drewmagary I’m not buying an iPad until there’s a fleshlight attachment.

— Mike Lobikis (@mlobikis1) March 7, 2012

(Yes, this exists.)

Breaking: New iPad has 4GLTE, Retina display, gives handjobs & channels Steve Jobs immortal soul through a small black crystal.

— netw3rk (@netw3rk) March 7, 2012

 
Click Page 2 below to read the official Apple press release …