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The Conservative Political Action Conference, the annual Republican Woodstock, kicked off in our nation’s capital on Thursday. The weekend-long event draws about 10,000 center-right to far-right politically motivated activists and elected officials from around the country to set up camp in DC.

For most conference attendees, CPAC offers them the chance to not only attend workshops, vote in the famous straw poll and take in high-profile speeches, but to meet like-minded folks who share similar worldviews. And for some of them, it offers up the chance to meet really like-minded folks who share a particular secretive predilection. Since Grindr wouldn’t be able to tell us who’s in town for CPAC and who’s just on the prowl, we called up Craigslist on our Netscape Navigator browser and looked around for who’s cruising for good times away from the prying eyes of friends and family back home.

These were all posted within the last day or two. We did not plant any of them or alter them in any way. And we’re genuinely rooting for this lot, hoping all these guys score — it doesn’t matter what side of the aisle you sit on, or what you sit on, everyone’s entitled to some lovin’ they prefer.

If it’s too small, click to enlarge (that’s what he said?).

 

The Reluctant Penetrator

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This dude’s a pro, throwing out online cruising acronyms like “HWP” (height/weight proportionate, aka “not you, fatty”). Although nobody must have ever pointed out to him that “discrete” means separate or distinct; he’s looking for “discreet,” which means “I’ll literally kill you if you threaten to tell.”

 

The OCD Bottom

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Short and sweet: I’m young and clean, you’re young and clean, let’s do this. Bring lube and Lysol.

 

The Just Jerker

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You may think you’re living on the down-low, bud, but if you describe yourself in real-life to real people as having “auburn” hair, everyone already knows you’re gay.

 

The Group Leader

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Now this is a guy we can all get behind (erm, sorry). Forget these one-on-one heavy-petting seshes — it’s Caligula time! Response must be sorely lacking, however, as he posted two similar ads this week. This one (NSFW pic) says a “couple guys got together last year, and it was a really good time.” Surely. Uber-repressed group action must be arms and limbs and flag pins flyin’ around like crazy. Hot.

 

The Silver Fox

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Awesome typo: This dude’s clearly seeking a ‘fu’ shot. Bonus points for pointing out that he will be wearing a coat and tie downstairs, as opposed to just a towel and a cell phone. (Also: Chris Lee?)

 

The Patriot With a Daddy Complex

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It’s time to play matchmaker. Lookin’ for an older guy? There’s a silver fox right there! Although this 175-pound twink (is that possible?) sure puts up a lot of hurdles before making a connection.

 

The Home-wrecking Hate Fucker

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Are you white, married, hairy and discreet? It’s not clear this guy is part of CPAC — in fact, it seems that he’s just interested in servicing you while you’re in town and away from the Mrs. For a guy who says he’s into the conservative type, CPAC must be like Vegas coming to his hometown.

 

The Paranoid Hornball

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Most people cruising Craigslist spend time describing themselves and what kind of guy they’re into. This guy’s approach seems to be “I don’t care whatcha look like, just be as scared of being outed as I am.”

 

The Bi Masc Jock

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No jokes about him at all. Even money that he’s the closeted heartthrob of CPAC. Go get ‘im, fellers.

 

The Friend Seeker

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Either he’s the Forever Alone who’s finally ready to find himself a true mate, or this is the type of unassuming ad that will lead to a very bad GHB-fueled night of non-consensual BDSM.

Good luck one and all — here’s to hoping you find that special someone this weekend.

LAST YEAR’S CRUISING CPAC: Only Two Discreet CPAC-Related Craigslist M4M Posts So Far?

 

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