Since the degree of difficulty in rounding up bizarre crimes inside our nation’s Walmarts is pretty low, we thought we’d instead go for the more challenging feat: all the crazy stuff that happens just outside the super-stores. Here are 10 true crimes that all took place in Walmart parking lots.
1. Always Low Prices for Our Babies. Always.
Two women called police when a man, Patrick Fousek, approached them outside a Walmart in Salinas, California, offering to sell them his 9-month-old baby for $25. At first they thought he was joking, but when Fousek kept insisting, they got suspicious. Police tracked Fousek to his apartment and found him and his girlfriend high on meth (shocker). Fousek, as well as his girlfriend, were arrested on suspicion of child endangerment, attempting to abandon a child, and intoxication from methamphetamine.
But that’s not all -– when Fousek showed up in court, he had stitches, black eyes and cracked ribs. It turned out his inmates had seen his story on TV and decided he needed to be taught a lesson.
2. Don’t Steal My Parking Spot!
A woman in Port Richey, Florida, was charged with criminal mischief and assault with a deadly weapon when she drove around a Walmart parking lot with a man on her hood. The elderly woman, Evelyn Danesi, and Harold Koller were arguing over a parking space when Danesi keyed Koller’s car. Koller called the police, but before they arrived, Danesi plowed into him and drove all around the parking lot.
3. Girl Scouts Know How to Fight Back
This past March, two men stole $200 from Girl Scouts selling cookies outside a Walmart in Fort Bend County, Texas. One Girl Scout ran up to the car and started hitting the man in the passenger seat before they drove away.
4. Child Strangler
Daniel Graf, from Citrus Heights, California, was arrested after choking his child in a Walmart parking lot. Graf and his estranged wife had met so he could see his 3-month-old child. When the couple began arguing, his wife called the police. After police arrived, Graf, who had been holding the baby, started strangling the 3-month-old in front of police.
5. Breaking Even Worse
The number of crimes related to mobile meth labs in Walmart parking lots is a little ridiculous. Here are just a couple to whet your appetite.
One story involved a man (pictured: left) with not one but TWO mobile meth labs on the floorboard of his Jeep.
In another case, two Tennessee men were arrested when meth chemicals in their truck exploded. At the time of the explosion, the two had been inside the Walmart buying ingredients for meth.
6. Better Prices. Everyday. Even Hookers.
A 50-year-old man and 23-year-old woman were charged with loitering and prostitution after an officer spotted them in a truck. Police became suspicious when the two had different stories about why they were there. Well, that, and the condom sitting next to the man in the truck.
7. PETA Prince and Princess
Double trouble: This bright couple was charged not only with animal cruelty, but also public drunkenness. Heidi Klingelsmith, was yelling at her fiancee, David Jonathan Wood, who was inside the men’s bathroom, when they were led out of the store by police.
One officer informed them that they would have to get a ride home (since both were under the influence of prescription medication and in no shape to drive). The officer then looked inside the couple’s car and saw an English bulldog on the floor with a rope tied around him. The dog couldn’t move and was having trouble breathing. After removing the rope, the dog was sent to animal control. Authorities were later called back when Wood was sitting outside the front of the store, asking for money.
8. I Whip My Junk Back and Forth
Another strange trend in Walmart parking lots: indecent exposure. Men just enjoy whipping it out there. Unlike Fred Willard, who stays indoors.
This man was arrested earlier this month for exposing himself to women in a parking lot … on a Thursday afternoon.
But this one’s even better: Another man was driving around the parking lot with his penis exposed, stopping to watch when a female passed by. When confronted by police, the man, 28-year-old Travis Keen, said that he did have his penis out because of past experiences he had at Wal-Mart, and that when he comes to Walmart he gets aroused. How could you not?
9. Nap Time Gets Serious
A 57-year-old man was charged with simple assault and leaving the scene of an accident when he allegedly drove his van into another car … because that car was “interfering with his sleep.”
The man, Grasshopper Allen (!), claimed he was trying to sleep in the parking lot and the rude offender at the wheel kept waking him up.
10. Leave the Windows Open For Your Baby
Eighteen-year-old Carolyn Tess Little was arrested when she left her 6-month-old in a North Carolina Walmart parking lot at 10 p.m this past weekend. Little said she thought she had left the window open for the baby, who had been in the car for 45 minutes. The mother returned to the car after being paged in the store.
India Kushner is a HyperVocal staff writer. Follow her on Twitter here.