If you know anything about the New York Post, you know they’d never pass up a chance to keep the Golden Shower at 20,000 Feet story trickle away without giving it another shake.
Luckily for the Post, the update is pretty interesting:
His name was bumped from the team’s developmental roster yesterday afternoon, although officials refused to comment about his status.
The Post characterizes Vietze and his family as being without remorse, though “We have no comment, nothing to say” doesn’t necessarily mean arrogant and remorseless. It may just mean “We know our kid got off lucky when prosecutors dropped any case against his drunk ass, so we’ll walk away quietly and hope for the best.”
Still, here are a few lingering questions: How did an 18-year-old kid manage to drink eight alcoholic beverages before boarding a flight? Fake ID, sure, but how early did he get to the airport that he crammed in eight drinks? Why did the showered family choose to go to a Yankees game the next day — don’t they know there’s an equal chance someone will be pissed on at the stadium? (Are they just into watersports?)
But most importantly, the Post describes the incident this way: “Soon after takeoff, Vietze stumbled from his seat five rows behind the child and emptied his bladder onto the girl, who was briefly left alone while her dad and sister were in restrooms.” So this dude stumbled UP the aisle five rows, dropped trou, and stood there peeing in the middle of the plane? And nobody stopped him until it was too late? Were there only five people on the flight? Was everyone sleeping? Did he have a nice weiner?
Alright, stop there.