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Hilarious Amazon User Reviews of Defense Technology’s Pepper Spray Canister

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By HVculture on November 22, 2011

Now, you might think there is nothing more to say about pepper spray after the Lt. Pike incident at UC Davis that has been turned into a meme and been given a pass by Fox News’ Megyn Kelly, who “essentially” said pepper spray was nothing more than a food product.

But wait. There’s more! For the low price of $75, you too can purchase Defense Technology’s MK-9 Stream 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band pepper spray canister on Amazon.

Denizens of the Internet have miraculously chimed in on Amazon to review Defense Technology’s signature product. As of this writing there are 51 reviews for the product, and 27 reviewers have given it a five-star rating. Not too shabby! Eleven reviewers gave it the dreaded one star, and the rest feel a bit mixed.

So what do Amazon reviewers have to say about the product? Glad you asked. Be sure and skim through all of them, but here are some of our favorites.

D-Bag of Liberty gave the product five stars and had this to say: “Whenever I need to breezily inflict discipline on unruly citizens, I know I can trust Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray to get the job done! The power of reason is no match for Defense Technology’s superior repression power. When I reach for my can of Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray, I know that even the mighty First Amendment doesn’t stand a chance against its many scovil units of civil rights suppression. When I feel threatened by students, no matter how unarmed, peaceful and seated they may be, I know that Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray has got my back as I casually spray away at point blank range. It really is the Cadillac of citizen repression technology.”

Pen Name gave the product one star: “I casually used this product to try to disperse a small band of non-violent campers who had locked their arms together. Although initially it seemed to be effective, it took two applications! The worst part is that the next day they multiplied exponentially! Now what? One positive outcome, I did receive a paid vacation for my efforts.”

ActualAir said: “First, this baby has everything you would expect from Defense Technology brand pepper spray. It burns like hell. Whether you’re spraying directly into eyes or mouths – this will cause excruciating pain. Second, and I know it’s not explicitly listed as one the uses on the can, but it’s also an amazing human arm de-linker. So if you have this gigantic public space and a dozen people are sitting there with their arms linked – this will really help in your effort to de-link those arms.”

Fox News’ Megyn Kelly chimed in: “I was talking with Bill O’Reilly about this, and we decided it goes great on a steak or #OWS protestors’ faces!”

A great review from the World’s Most Interesting Man: “I don’t always oppress, but when I do I use Defense Technology 56895 Mk-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray.”

So much hilarity. All of the reviews have come in the last day or so. Start with the oldest ones because it’s totally worth your time. When you think about it, this is a clever form of protest.

(via @justinwolfers)


Pepper Spray Just a “Food Product Essentially,” According to Gospel of Megyn Kelly
• Watch the Infamous UC Davis Pepper Spraying Incident from Multiple Angles
• Meme Watch: Here’s UC Davis’ Pepper Spraying Cop Pepper Spraying Things
• You’re Doing It Right: UC Davis Students Respond with Silent, Powerful Protest of Pepper Spraying
• I See Your Nonviolence and Raise You Pepper Spray
• Immediately Iconic Shot from Occupy Portland
• 84-Year-Old Woman Pepper Sprayed By Seattle Police at Occupy Protests
• Starting to See a Pattern? Occupy Tulsa Protesters Pepper Sprayed, Arrested
• Doin’ the Haka? Utah Cops Will Pepper Spray You
• Buncha Bologna: Pepper-Spraying NYPD Officer Loses Just 10 Days Vacation

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