In the Clint Eastwood western, The Outlaw Josey Wales, there’s a famous quote in which one of the characters tells another, “Don’t piss down my back and tell me it’s raining.”
That was the “I drink your milkshake” of 1976.
A JetBlue passenger must have never seen that film.
On JetBlue’s red-eye flight from Portland, Ore., to JFK on Wednesday, Robert Vietze, 18, incredibly drunk after downing eight alcoholic beverages, decided it would be a smart idea to drop trow and pull an R. Kelly on a sleeping, and therefore unsuspecting, 11-year-old girl.
“I was drunk, and I did not realize I was pissing on her leg,” the 6-foot-4, 195-pound Vietze said, according to law-enforcement sources, the New York Post reports.
If ever there was a recent news event that demanded to be on YouTube surely it was this one.
Obviously the golden shower at 20,000 ft. made the young girl’s father turn into the Hulk. An unnamed witness told the paper: “I woke up to this man yelling and literally looking like he was about to punch this kid in the face,” said the witness. “The father was screaming, ‘F – – k that kid! I don’t want him near my family!'”
Naturally, flight attendants did their flight attendant thing and separated the drunk dude from the Hulked-out father, got the mess cleaned up and attempted to soothe the girl’s traumatized nerves.
Incredibly, that might not have even been the craziest thing that happened on the flight. On the same flight, another passenger claimed he was having chest pains and then vomited. It’s unclear what that passenger’s fate ended up being, but by all accounts he was just severely sick.
As for Portland’s teenage R. Kelly? He was greeted by four Port Authority cops and taken into custody. Vietze was issued a federal summons for indecent exposure and released.