You know who’s not getting laid anytime soon? That would be one Barmy Baz Franks. But it’s not for his unusual name. Nope.

The British plumber had the insane idea to pay homage to the Royal Wedding by not just getting a tattoo of Prince William and Kate Middleton, but by getting a tattoo of their faces on his teeth.

This absolutely reinforces the stereotype that British people have the worst teeth in the world.

Leaving aside for the moment that it’s a temporary tattoo lasting up to three months, depending on how often he brushes — which, we’re guessing not often because this chap dropped $1,000 for the ink — what would possess someone to pay homage in this manner?

“I love the Royal Family and this was my way of lending my support to their Big Day,” says Franks. Ugh. Because there wasn’t a commemorative coin to buy or something like that? He couldn’t just get drunk in a pub? Or just pretend to care like the entire world is outside of England?

If there is solace to be taken from this, and really there’s not when all is said and done, it’s that the “the images were painted on by hand using ultra-fine brushes and stencils” by Dr. Neil Gerrard, of the Clifton Dental Studio in Bristol.

So they’re classy teeth tattoos. Actually, this type of thing is referred to as “gnasher tats,” which is pretty much the most bitchin’ name for a punk rock band as you’ll ever find.

It’s hard to not see his picture and think of Jim Carrey from Me, Myself & Irene or Dumb and Dumber.

MOST RECENT BY HVculture:

• An Eyeball Tattoo, 4 Years Later
• Winnie-the-Pooh and Christopher Robin Had Some Serious Psychological Issues
• How to Improve an Anti-Gay Church Sign