Over the past 50 weeks we’ve watched the field for “Mother of the Year 2011” grow with every boneheaded decision and develop into a legitimate horse race worthy of the thorny crown. Through it all, we’ve come to accept that while parenting doesn’t always provide a Modern Family happy ending, some classy ladies out there would have been better off not popping out babies that will surely grow up to be frozen adults with battle scars the size of their shameful, shameless mothers.
There were many deserving candidate mothers, including but not limited to the woman who brawled on the NYC subway while her baby strolled out of the car on onto the platform; a Kansas woman who urged her 12-year-old son to throw a brick at another boy’s head; a New Zealand mom who lied about her daughter’s rival’s lesbianism to gain the upper hand during the college admissions process; Julie Dick-Carson, who had her infant son in the backseat of the car while she huffed Ultra Duster; and, Carol Schnuphase, who solicited donations for her son’s leukemia treatment, which he never had.
In any given year, those runners-up would have won the award running away from the field. But as we’re discovering in our jaunt down 2011’s memory lane, this was a special and eventful news year. Just being a shady mother wasn’t enough this year to capture the title of “Mother of the Year.”
So, without further ado, here are HyperVocal’s five special ladies who probably won’t be baking brownies for the PTA anytime soon. We begin at the gaming tables…
5. Sherry Holcomb for gambling away her son’s cancer treatment money
Upstate New York’s 46-year-old entry gallantly raised $15,000 for her 21-year-old son’s leukemia treatment. Most of the money was raised at a benefit event attended by friends and family. Holcomb took all that money, deposited it into a bank account and used ATM cards to withdraw the money to finance her gambling at casinos across the Northeast. To make it worse, she wasn’t gambling to make more money for her son’s treatment. Nope, this was strictly for personal kicks.
4. Juliette Dunn for making her toddler kids chug beer and snort cocaine
Connecticut’s Juliette Dunn might have won this award simply for making her son “chug a bottle of beer” and giving “her 10-month-old daughter beer and cocaine.” However, what’s most disturbing about her parenting skills is her son’s poor taste in adult beverages. During questioning by a social worker, the four-year-old reportedly said he likes, “Natural Ice beer, Budweiser beer, but didn’t like the taste of Dog-Bite beer,” according to police. Do they not have craft beer in Connecticut?
3. Jessica Ockman for leaving her baby in the car with a dead friend
New Orleans mother Jessica Ockman left her 20-month-old son in a parked car while she hopped into a gas station bathroom to shoot up. Because that’s always a good spot to inject some heroin. Fortunately, her child wasn’t left unsupervised…because Ockman’s dead friend was riding shotgun.
2. Unnamed Dallas mom for making her daughter film a sex tape
It’s a child’s worst nightmare to walk in on their parents having sex. Ew. So what do we make of this Dallas mother who made her six-year-old daughter “repeatedly videotape her having group sex?” Talk about being scarred for life! Instead of the daughter getting to film stupid cat videos or her day at the zoo, this kid drew the short straw and got the gangbang option. Sad face.
And the winner is? Drum roll, please!
1. Toryianna Smith for killing her infant son and taking him shopping
Chicago’s Toryianna Smith started drinking vodka one night, and throughout the evening somehow managed to beat and suffocate her 3-month-old baby because he wouldn’t stop crying. The next morning Smith awoke in a friend’s home. She dressed the dead baby, avoided the father and went for some retail therapy. Because you know, that’s what you do after you kill your baby. Smith then visited a neighbor who noticed blood stains on the blanket. Her son had been dead for 14 hours.
Ms. Smith couldn’t be with us to accept the award. She has license plates to make.