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Hype AM: The NSFW-TSA Goes Pedo, Babs Bush Hits Palin, Bailey’s Bailout…

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Slade Sohmer


By Slade Sohmer on November 22, 2010


Your faithful editor had his own version of Planes, Trains and Automobiles this weekend, trying like heck to make the short 800-mile trip from New York to Chicago. Instead, taking precautions for our potentially broken hydraulic system, the FAA grounded our flight in Columbus, rather than a place we’d likely receive more help with the aircraft.

We were 40 minutes out of O’Hare, and we flew 25 minutes out of our way to Columbus. For a precaution. The result? A six-hour drive to the Windy City, instead of an extra 15 minutes in the air. A dumb, arrogant decision (the pilot agreed, in private conversation) delayed us about eight hours. And not a single person grabbed my junk to make up for it. So when everyone’s bitching about the new TSA screening, I’ll be over here cursing the FAA.

Is the NSFW-TSA modifying its invasive screenings? After a week in which he stuck to his guns, TSA chief John Pistole appears to be wavering just a bit. Maybe it had something to do with the YouTube video circulating of a creepy dude in Salt Lake undressing a small boy. Is the TSA the new priesthood?

Pistole, on Monday morning, began to soften the ground for some coming changes: “Pistole said he would go back to the Government Accountability Office, which conducted security tests last year, and find out of there was a way to modify the screenings. The remarks echoed the sentiment of a statement issued Sunday by Pistole, who said, ‘there is a continual process of refinement and adjustment to ensure that best practices are applied.’”

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton certainly didn’t help her colleague. Clinton told CBS’ Bob Schieffer over the weekend that she would not submit to the new airport gropefest:

By the way, the TSA responded to the young boy strip search thusly: “Many are coming to their own conclusions about what’s happening in the video which is now perched at the top of the Drudge report and being linked to in many other blogs and tweets. We looked into this to find out what happened. On November 19, a family was traveling through a TSA checkpoint at the Salt Lake City International Airport (SLC). Their son alarmed the walk through metal detector and needed to undergo secondary screening. The boy’s father removed his son’s shirt in an effort to expedite the screening. After our TSO completed the screening, he helped the boy put his shirt back on. That’s it. No complaints were filed and the father was standing by his son for the entire procedure.”

[We've...Got...Bush] Never one to mince words, former First Lady and First Mother Barbara Bush threw a high, hard one across the chin of political celebrity Sarah Palin over the weekend. In an interview that will air tonight on Larry King Live entitled “From One Wrinkled Old Bag To Another,” Babs fired this shot: “I sat next to her once, thought she was beautiful, and I think she’s very happy in Alaska…and I hope she’ll stay there.” Babs added, “Now go home and get your fucking shinebox.”

[A Bailey's Bailout] Hey, we know finance and bailouts and the IMF isn’t exactly cheery stuff, nor easy stuff to delve into first thing on a Monday morning. So think about it this way: A drunken Irishman filled up on way too many Guinnesses, and now he’s too far bloated to do anything. His pubs friends can’t do anything for him, so he begs his friends in a collective group of pubs to help him out. They agree to punch him in the stomach to make him purge. Problem solved.

Here’s what that really means: “The Irish government Sunday said it had formally applied for tens of billions of euros in aid from the European Union and the International Monetary Fund. The EU and the IMF indicated the money will be forthcoming, pending negotiations on the steps the government will have to take to restructure its debts and cut its budget deficit.”

[Back to the Future] Only organized religion, right? Only in a place like Catholicism could a fierce debate break out over whether condoms are evil. What year is this? And who’s running this thing, Glenn Quagmire? “The big surprise with Pope Benedict’s new book is not that he believes the Catholic Church can permit condom use to prevent the spread of AIDS in some circumstances, but that he took so long to say so. Quotes from a new book of interviews with him made headlines around the world and some commentators went overboard by saying the Roman Catholic Church had made a sudden about-face on birth control and finally caught up with modern society. A close reading of those quotes shows the pontiff not breaking from past teachings but thinking his way through the issue with logic dating back to the 13th century Saint Thomas Aquinas. He concludes that condom use, while still wrong, can be a lesser evil in certain circumstances.”

[The Odd Couple] That sound you hear is every last reporter in the world updating their resumes in the hopes of working for The Daily: “Rupert Murdoch, head of the media giant News Corp, and Steve Jobs, the chief executive of Apple, are preparing to unveil a new digital ‘newspaper’ called the Daily at the end of this month, according to reports in the US media. The collaboration, which has been secretly under development in New York for several months, promises to be the world’s first “newspaper” designed exclusively for new tablet-style computers such as Apple’s iPad, with a launch planned for early next year. Intended to combine ‘a tabloid sensibility with a broadsheet intelligence,’ the publication represents Murdoch’s determination to push the newspaper business beyond the realm of print. According to reports, there will be no ‘print edition’ or ‘web edition’; the central innovation, developed with assistance from Apple engineers, will be to dispatch the publication automatically to an iPad or any of the growing number of similar devices. With no printing or distribution costs, the US-focused Daily will cost 99 cents a week.”

[Class War, And He's Winning] Warren Buffett likes to say that we are indeed waging class warfare, and his class is winning. But he’s not happy about it. Politicians can talk the talk, but Buffett walks the walk. The second richest man in America says that wealthy Americans should be paying more taxes, not less: “‘If anything, taxes for the lower and middle class and maybe even the upper middle class should even probably be cut further,’ Buffett said in an interview with ABC’s ‘This Week With Christiane Amanpour’ that is scheduled to air on Nov. 28. ‘But I think that people at the high end — people like myself — should be paying a lot more in taxes. We have it better than we’ve ever had it.’” That sound you hear is soon-to-be-Speaker John Boehner crying.

[No Laughing Matter] Strange happenings in Akron, Ohio: “An Ohio woman was surprised by a knife-wielding robber in a clown mask while sitting on her toilet, police said. Cory Buckley, 20, allegedly broke into the Akron home of Jacqueline Cutright, 70, through a basement window Saturday, police told WCMH-TV in Columbus. Cutright said the clown robber stole her car and escaped with $28 and about $1,000 worth of costume jewelry.”

[No Laughing Matter Part II] On the bright side, at least this guy can scratch spending his hard-earned savings off his bucket list: “A comedian was told he had three months to live by doctors and promptly set about completing his ‘bucket list’ – only to be told eight weeks later that he was far from kicking the bucket.” But, hey, it’s better than the reverse, right? Not being told you’re really about to die?

[It Even Beat Harry & The Hendersons] It’s a franchise record: The seventh movie in the Harry Potter franchise, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 1,” opened with a ludicrous $125.1 million over the weekend. That surpassed the franchises previous best, 2005′s “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire,” and it makes this current installlment the sixth largest-grossing opening weekend ever.

[My Kind of Town, Chicago Is] And, finally, some sports. The Chicago Cubs ownership is so pissed about the last-minute half-field decision that this weekend’s Wrigleyville Classic between Northwestern and Illinois may not take place again. That shortsightedness can’t be allowed to happen. Take one look at the video and slideshow below and it’s obvious why this needs to be an annual event. After all, it’s not every day that ESPN Game Day comes to a Northwestern home game.

Click here to see a full slideshow from the special day in Chicago — not pictured, the 516 yards of rushing put up by Illinois’ suddenly Heisman-esque running backs.

If you have any stories you’d like to see in future editions of Hype AM, email us at tips@hypervocal4.wpengine.com. And please, don’t be afraid to like and share this little badboy.

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