Let’s all stand and wave goodbye together to the Year of Our Lord 2010, a thoroughly absurd year in which the only two major standouts two decades from now will be the Republican return to Congressional power and the meteoric pop culture rise of an amusing-yet-untalented Alabama man whose sister almost got raped (and, as it turns out, they rapin’ errbody out here).
We tried to break it all down for you the best we could, but sometimes there’s just some inexplicable shit in the world. If you missed our year-end reviews, don’t forget to check out the Top 10 Non-Dodson Vital Virals of 2010 and the Top 10 Political Facepalms of 2010. There’s something for errbody.
[What's a "Leak" These Days?] Several gossip.entertainment blogs are claiming credit for being the first to “leak” Kanye West’s new, dark video for his song “Monster.” Is it really a “leak?” Or just some planned shenanigans to drive attention and eyeballs to Kanye? Does it even really matter? It’s out there now. This thing looks nd sounds unfinished, but it’s pretty cool nonetheless. The video’s got Jay-Z, Rick Ross, Nicki Minaj, Bon Iver and a slew of dead white chicks. Count how many times you see it in your feeds today with the word “leaked!” attached to it. Man, we’re very gullible people.
[DO NOT Feed the Trolls] Okay, we fed the trolls. Here are five burning questions for headline-seeking Tucker Carlson on his Mike Vick Execution trolling. Well-played, sir.
[Your Headline of the Day] From the St. Louis Post-Dispatch: “Southern Ill. girl, 12, gets new computer, finds porn.” Yup, welcome to the Internet, honey. (Okay, it’s not exactly what you think it is.)
[See if She Floats?] The witch hunt is on! After Wednesday brought us the news that Non-Witch Christine O’Donnell might be the subject of an FBI investigation, today brings us the morning show rounds: “Failed U.S. Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell denied Thursday that she had inappropriately used any campaign funds, defending herself a day after the disclosure of a criminal investigation into her spending…O’Donnell, the tea party favorite who scored a surprise primary victory this year only to lose badly in the November general election, suggested the accusations were being driven by her political opponents on the right and left, including Vice President Joe Biden.” When we grow up, we want our names to appear in the paper following “Failed U.S. Senate candidate.” Great title for a resume.
[Try Arkanoid Next] You, sir, are a pretty big schmuck, but we certainly admire your pluck. We just wish you’d made it to the other side to provide some hope for the rest of us: “A man was struck by an SUV in Clemson Monday evening after police say he was playing a real-life version of the video game ‘Frogger’ on a highway….Investigators say the victim yelled “go” and darted across the highway into oncoming traffic. He was struck by a 2010 Lexus SUV and was transported to a hospital in nearby Anderson. The man is listed in stable condition and his name hasn’t been released.”
[Good Guns Make Good Neighbors] Is this justice or not? “A former Marine who was convicted of second-degree murder in the shooting death of a man whose puppy urinated on his award-winning lawn was sentenced Wednesday to four years probation.” More here.
[Oh, Yemen. You.] So many terrorism/your mom jokes: “Nine men arrested in Britain on terrorism charges last week found inspiration and bomb-making instructions in an English-language Internet magazine published by al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula, British investigators reportedly said…Despite the assaults, the group’s outreach magazine, Inspire, published a first issue in July, including the article ‘Making a bomb in the kitchen of your mom,’ and has come out with two issues since then.”
[You Dun Goofed] This might either be the best year-end piece of contrarian reasoning you’ll see or a poorly researched effort to be different. Or, possibly, something in the middle. Either way, Cracked.com’s 9 Major Stories Everyone Got Wrong This Year is a fantastic read.
[Maybe He Wanted Chewlie's Gum] A Waco, TX store clerk won’t take no shit from two armed robbers, pulling out a gun and firing shots. Check out this shootout caught on a surveillance camera.
[Pretty sure Nixon Went Out the Same Way] You have to love South America. Great telenovela reference, too: “Capping a series of events straight out of a telenovela, the mistress of charismatic and controversial former Venezuelan president Carlos Andres Perez agreed Wednesday to honor his estranged wife’s wishes and allow his body to be buried in his homeland.”
[You're Doing It Wrong] A sad story from, you guessed it, Florida: “A South Florida doctor has died after authorities say she was accidentally strangled by an electronic neck massager on Christmas Eve.”
[We Never Learn] The io9 folks cobbled together some Hard Lessons That 2010 Taught the Entertainment Industry for Wired. Some are obvious, some are intuitive. But it’s a good read.
[Beer Cannon] This is pretty wild stuff, also from Wired. Someone invented an iPhone-controlled beer cannon that shoots you a beer can from across the room. It looks pretty sweet, only, we’re unclear how you’re supposed to open it after it shakes in mid-air, AND THIS DUDE’S DRINKING BUD LIGHT LIME. Aside from that, this looks awesome, and we’d like to buy you all one, Oprah-style.
That’ll close the curtain on Hype AM for 2010. We’ll see you right here in 2011. Keep smiling. Keep shining. Knowing you can always count on us. Fo sho. Send us mail at firstname.lastname@example.org