Skrillex Is Not a Guitarist, and other fairly obvious reasons why SPIN magazine’s revisionist Best Guitarists list is total trolling. Desperate for page views? Trying to out-indie Pitchfork? Whatever the reason, the list is absurd.

A woman named Cathy, who cannot speak and is paralyzed from the neck down, uses a neural interface and a robotic arm to serve herself coffee. What’s next for this technology? Bypassing the robotics and harnessing the patient’s own muscles.

Hungry people are irritable and demand constant attention. People who want to get drunk are desperate to please the tap gods so they may once again have their cup refilled before the last buzz wears off.

Do you prefer plaids or florals? Planting flowers or vegetables? Crabbing or dancing? I’m guessing you can see where this is going, unless you have no clue what crabbing is. This 1948 Look Magazine quiz will determine how much of a dude you really are.

Four years ago, the tattoo-shop owner was one of the first people in the world to get the rare and dangerous tat, which can cause blindness. The ink is still bright as ever, and he says he’s had no problems … except for something called “mind discharge.”

Check out this list of etiquette do’s from manners maven Patricia Fitzpatrick. There is nothing a Southern transplant like me loves more than showing off her manners, even though I can’t figure out the whole sidewalk-passing thing.

The discovery of 37,000-year-old porn makes me see E.L. James’ masterpiece in a whole new light. What would “Fifty Shades” be like if it took place in the Stone Age? Kinda awkward, actually.

Mac Lethal, an Internet-famous nerdy white dude who can rap better and faster than just about anyone out there, is here to tell you why your grammar sucks. Would it be helpful if he sampled “Somebody That I Used to Know?”

On one end of the spectrum, we have this behind-the-back catch and double play by Lipscomb pitcher Chris Nunn. On the other is this first pitch thrown by Jessica of the K-pop band SNSD.

Does it get any better than a bird teaching you how to Dougie? Surprisingly, this isn’t the whitest thing ever to do the Dougie. Find out who is, and then stick around for the Dougie stylings of SI cover model Kate Upton.

I suggest you take a moment to check out the album of the better half of one of America’s Favorite Hollywood Couples. And you should take my advice very seriously, because my love for Wilson has bordered on stalkerish fanaticism for 15 years.

The premise? Hero Booker keeps one-upping the NJ governor, who then repeatedly delivers a Seinfeldian “Booker!” Does Christie get the last laugh? (Well, do either of them get any laughs?) You be the judge.

Children’s books were a lot more fun before intro psych courses made us realize how messed-up our favorite characters are. Take the denizens of the Hundred Acre Wood: afflicted with ADHD, OCD, depression and gender identity disorder.

Not long after Blanche Dumas and Juan Baptista dos Santos met in Paris, where she worked as a high-class courtesan, they embarked on an affair, making love with the ferocity only a couple with four sets of genitals could muster.

There’s only one minor hitch in Pitts’ clever Middle East peace plan: Yasser Arafat died in 2004 and Ariel Sharon has been in a permanent vegetative state since his stroke in 2006. Wanna take another stab at that one, sir?

World Wide Interweb made this hilarious parody advert for a multi-layered pie from fast-food hell that’s as caloric as it is American. Pizza Hut presents the “F*ck You” pizza. Warning: Side effects include steel-wool pubic hair.

Over five years, April Brown’s frequent butt injections caused life-threatening infections. Last year, to save her own life, she underwent multiple amputations, removing her legs and parts of her arms.

From the fictional boy who died in a high-five accident to late-night comedians, everyone loves a cougar. This handy infographic breaks down attitudes about sex and love, famous cougars throughout history and much more.

Poor Mr. Puff. He really wanted to see what was inside that empty Diet Sunkist box, and now it’s stuck on that fuzzy little husky head. Probably forever. It’s worse than the cone of shame! Well, nothing else to do but sit for a while, huh?

Red Bull doesn’t just give you wings, apparently. It gives you balls of freakin’ steel. Watch Colombian mountain biker Marcelo Gutierrez descend 2,000 meters (6,500 feet) while riding over 1,000 steps in this frightening downhill race.