One more year in the books! Can you believe it? On a personal level, I can’t complain: My wife and I made it through another year of marriage, which as other married folk know, is no easy task; my kids were healthy and happy; my mutual funds rebounded in a major way; and my home stayed intact despite massive earthquakes in Haiti and Chile.
All in all, I’d have to say it was a great year for the Kaplan clan. And as we prepare to enjoy the next twelve months before the world ends in 2012, let’s take a moment to look back at the people who really blew my mind this past year.
10. Julian Assange
His dump of leaks made me crap my pants!
9. The Chilean Miners
Where can I get a pair of those sunglasses, hombres?!
8. LeBron James
Boy, did everyone flip out when this Frenchman left Cleveland after one of his stinky basketball teammates got jiggy with his mom during the playoffs, or what?
7. The Hot Russian Spy Chick
Va Va Voom! She can do crime and punishment under my covers any day of the week! Except Sundays and Tuesdays, ‘cause I usually have an early tee time in the morning.
6. Kim Sun
This Korean lady at Nail Service did wonders for my cuticles in 2010!
5. Mel Gibson
The Hollywood machine won’t stop persecuting the charismatic star of one of my favorite movies of all time: What Women Want.
4. Benjamin Netanyahu
The Israeli prime minister rebuffed Obama’s aggressive rhetoric on settlement expansion. (You got me — I copy-and-pasted this one!)
This Guatemalan gentleman did wonders for the garden in our backyard! It’s only too bad our dog destroyed it all two weeks later.
2. Justin Bieber
Baby, Baby, Baby, Oh Baby! Beebs has been doing his thing for years, and did you know he was Canadian? I just read it on Wikipedia.
1. Barack Obama
The first black US Prez passed healthcare reform, repealed Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, and scaled down the combat troops in Iraq… and he’s not even American!
10. Crystal Bowersox
This little box of granola brought me back to the ’60s. I did drugs back then!
I have no clue who this is, but my kids love her!
8. Michael Vick
What a great redemption story. NFL star tortures dogs, gets sent to prison and emerges an even better quarterback. Could Hollywood write it any a better?
7. Danny Kaplan
My son finished third in the Palm Ridge Elementary School talent show! Go Danny!
6. Betty White
The funniest and third-sexiest Golden Girl was everywhere, even Saturday Night Live! Unfortunately, I missed it –- been protesting ever since Chris Kattan was fired.
5. The JetBlue dude
He did something inappropriate on an airplane!
4. Bailey Kaplan
My labradoodle overcame a bout of nearly terminal diarrhea to have one of the best years of his life. Thanks, Bay!
3. Tiger Woods
The greatest golfer in the world came clean about his tragic, heartbreaking addiction to having crazy sex with super hot babes. We’ll know he’s over his slut obsession when he wins the Masters. ‘Til then, keep it in your pants, Tiger.
2. Sarah Palin
She’s got sass. She’s got pizzazz. She’s got a Twitter account. She’s got her own reality show. I love this woman!
1. Mark Zuckerberg
This Jewish guy was the subject of a very popular film!