Entourage creator Doug Ellin recently announced that he’s almost completed the script for the feature film continuation of his hit HBO series. Jordan Pedersen got hold of the script and gives us a sneak peak of the cutting-edge product placement in the new film.
1. The film opens at the end of a late-night meeting with a prospective client of Eric “E” Murphy’s. The meeting seems like a smashing success, until E gets up from his chair to find that he’s accidentally sat on the client’s sunglasses! After a mad dash around Hollywood to find a late-night sunglasses place proves unsuccessful, E thinks all hope is lost — until he discovers that Sunglass Hut® has a new app that lets you order right from your phone! Nobody’ll call E a pussy this time!
2. Unable to make contact with his girlfriend (whatever in-need-of-work actress HBO has hired), Turtle falls into a deep depression. He can barely muster the strength to call Eric a pussy! His therapist cycles him through several of the usual suspects: Zoloft, Paxil, Lexapro, Prozac. He fears all hope lost when he hears an ad for a brand-new drug during a re-run of MTV Cribs: Viibryd™, from Merck KGaA! A win for Turtle, for America’s pharmaceutical industry, and for series creator Doug “Phat Beach” Ellin.
3. Vince’s stint in rehab has made him a tough sell. Try as they might, neither E nor Ari can help Vinny Chase catch a cold. When hope is all but lost, Vince gets a BBM™ from none other than Entourage producer Mark Wahlberg. And Marky Mark has a part for Vince in his new movie, Broken City, from 20th Century Fox! Synergy gets a human face in Entourage: The Movie, sponsored by Red Bull®! Meanwhile, Eric is a pussy.
4. Forget about pornstar–turned–competent actress Sasha Grey! The Entourage movie is taking the pornstar thing into a whole new dimension: trans! Home Box Office would like to announce the mainstream debut of trans adult film sensation Sindy Maxim, in the role of Johnny Drama’s new main squeeze. I guess Eric is still the biggest pussy in the group! When Vince and co. discover Sindy’s “endowments,” the hijinks ensue! And you know they’re sure to be culturally sensitive!
5. Reeling from the news that his part has been cut from Broken City, Vince and his new girlfriend, an anatomically accurate sex robot named Drusilla (IS Robotics, 2012; patent pending), drive their Mazda3 off a cliff outside of Hollywood. But there’s another problem: Vince wants to be buried with the robotic love of his life! How are they possibly going to fit both of them in the casket? With a Dimensions® Plus-Size casket from Batesville Casket! The film ends with Eric, weeping over the body of his best friend and his mechanized sex slave. Turtle pulls him into a bear hug, and, after letting his best friend cry on his shoulder for a few minutes, calls him a pussy.
If you’d like to read a chronicle of a man slowly going insane, check out Jordan Pedersen’s feature on season 7 of Entourage.
He has a new show starting September 28th at Donny’s Skybox at Second City called Goddamn, Mitt.