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North Dakota Tops National Penis Size Ranking

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Marisa Kabas

By Marisa Kabas on December 3, 2013

This Christmas if you live in North Dakota and are given a dick in a box, it will probably be a pretty big one. Conversely, if you get one in Mississippi, make sure there’s a gift receipt.

According to a new statistically insignificant, unscientific study by Condomania.com, these states represent the largest and smallest penises in the United States. Now before you gentlemen start worrying that you were tape-measured in the night, you can rest easy knowing the online condom retailer based their rankings on the sizes purchased in each state.

It’s hard — err, difficult — to tell if this is grounded in any sort of reality. It could be that the men in North Dakota are delusional, or maybe their partners did the ordering and are bad at math. Regardless, we doubt they have a whole lot of excitement over there — besides Ron Burgundy stopping by — so we’ll give this one to them. This radio station is pretty pumped.

Last week we told you about Unhung Hero, a new documentary about a dude named Patrick Moote and his tiny penis. Moote resides in California which is 15th on Condomania’s list, so the men of California know who to blame for bringing down their fairly phallic-shaped state.

Here’s the rest of the list for good … measure.

1. North Dakota
2. Rhode Island
3. South Dakota
4. District of Columbia
5. Massachusetts
6. Ohio
7. Arizona
8. Alabama
9. New York
10. South Carolina
11. Colorado
12. Maryland
13. Wisconsin
14. New Jersey
15. California
16. Florida
17. Connecticut
18. Virginia
19. Oregon
20. Pennsylvania
21. Washington
22. Tennessee
23. New Mexico
24. Iowa
25. Illinois
26. Louisiana
27. Vermont
28. Utah
29. Maine
30. Nebraska
31. Idaho
32. Kansas
33. Delaware
34. Michigan
35. Nevada
36. New Hampshire
37. Oklahoma
38. Montana
39. Minnesota
40. Kentucky
41. Texas
42. Indiana
43. West Virginia
44. Missouri
45. Alaska
46. North Carolina
47. Wyoming
48. Arkansas
49. Hawaii
50. Mississippi

The more your know.

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[via TIME]

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