Comic Sans is the bestworst font in the history of written language. Like dogs eating their own crap, Comic Sans fans, like Jerry (above) from Parks and Rec, have no idea how hopelessly silly they look. But also endearing. When most people see flyers written in the handwriting of infant clowns, they put on a face like they’ve just seen a child falling out of a wagon.
But the font has incredible power — if you know how to harness it. And you can. We, your Internet sherpas, will show you.
How Not to Use Comic Sans
When running a domestic-violence support group:
When protesting child sex slavery:
When asking people to stick needles in their arms, drain their blood into tubes, and give the tubes to strangers:
When explaining how particles acquire mass — possibly the most important scientific discovery of the decade:
When mourning WWII veterans:
When explaining to your long-suffering city why their sports hero, a prodigious talent with longstanding ties to the community, possibly the state’s most inspirational figure since Neil Armstrong, moved to Florida:
When prescribing meds to chemo patients:
When giving directions to sex offenders:
You get the idea.
Very few know how to unlock the font’s true potential, but those who do know that it can have a deadly and wildly potent effect. It can change the world.
Here’s the trick to using Comic Sans correctly …
When making Hermione Granger puns:
When you’re a grandparent writing an email to Mitt Romney:
When explaining what Skrillex’s music sounds like:
When imitating a dog:
When you’re Miley Cyrus:
When an emo kid is hitting on you:
It’s quite simple, really. And for all other semi-serious things you might write in life, take The New York Times’ advice and use Baskerville.