8 Cats on Etsy Who Will Inevitably Murder Their Owners Make no mistake, I am a cat-lover through and through. I grew up never wanting for the ambivalent affection of a feline companion. As I sit here writing this, my cat, Busy, is attitudinally lying on the kitchen table casting major side-eye because my typing is disturbing her slumber. She’s so cute. While I love the beasts, I also don’t doubt they could cut my throat at any given second. A cat is a companion meant to be revered, cared for, cuddled when they allow it — and never, ever trusted. The following Etsy shop owners have become careless in their cat ownership. Don’t they know that the first rule of Cat Club is Don’t Dress Your Cat in Ridiculous Clothing Because It Will Murder You in Your Sleep? The general public need not fear an apocalypse of bath-salt-tripping zombies. We should ready ourselves for the inevitable uprising of these incredibly pissed-off cats. This is Bombita, dressed in what is described as a “School Girl Outfit.” I’m pretty sure the only classes Bombita has been taking involve learning how to make a homemade bomb out of the Legos and double-A batteries she found under her owner’s couch. Cats hate nothing more than when their owners take a fictional feline character and dress them up as said character. This guy is thinking, “Red fish, blue fish, I’m gonna kill you sucka.” “Devil costume? However did this plebeian food-and-water provider I’ve been assigned figure me out? Henceforth, until the harvest moon bleeds crimson and the felines conquer the Earth, I shall doth a visage of stupidity paralleled only by my buffoon “owner.” Mwahahah!” Southwestern cat says, “Yippie ki-yay, motherf**ker.” This cat is going to make you an offer you can’t refuse. If the previous cat was the Don Corleone of the feline apocalypse mafia, then this guy is Fredo. And he has had it with not being taken seriously. The last thing you want to do is make your cat feel self-conscious about its size. This sweater is two sizes too small and whoever is behind that camera has a life-expectancy of about eight seconds. In case there was any question as to who will be leading the feline uprising, it’s clearly going to be this guy. You can’t put a cat in a dress and not pay the ultimate price. Tweet Katie Ligon at @Busy1883. She’d love to hear from you. MORE BY KATIE: • Turn a Watermelon Into a Keg of Boozy Summertime Awesomeness • Impregnation in the Face of the Impending Apocalypse • How to Cut Glass Like Walter White
CoolCats 05.03.13 @ 9:03 am I am the owner, designer and dresser of the cat in said tutu. Although my cat sleeps with her arms around my neck she has yet to whack me through strangulation yet! I have to say your little story was as creative as me putting a cat in a tutu! Thank you for including me even though you might not have meant it as a compliment!