The intangible entity known as God is responsible for many things, such as Bismack Biyombo’s game-winning block over the Hornets in March, Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe” finally reaching No. 1, and the Crusades.
On Facebook, the deity’s new digital-age roost, He dispels tweet-length wisdom to 2.7 million followers about 10 times daily. (He used to have 6.6 million, but that page was usurped by Bruce Campbell in a silent coup. As of Wednesday, Bruce Campbell and God were a single entity.)
Three million seems low, doesn’t it? Out of the world population of 7 billion, 2.1 billion are Christians. That’s one third of the population. Out of the Facebook population of 800 million, only 0.2 percent “like” God. Even accounting for infants and other Christians not on Facebook, something weird is happening.
Is Facebook losing its religion? See for yourself.
Chocolate chip cookies: 9.45 million
Apple computers: 6.6 million
Mark Zuckerberg: 15.5 million
Ipod [sic] Touch: 4.5 million
‘Mean Girls’: 3.1 million
‘Teen Mom’: 7.1 million
Justin Bieber: 44.5 million
That’s 16.4 Gods.
The U.K. premiere of Justin Bieber’s ‘Never Say Never’: 2.9 million
God is slightly less popular than six recordings of Bieber on stage.
This ‘Twilight’ box set: 3.8 million
Skittles: 22.1 million
Poker: 4.2 million
Zynga’s Texas Hold’em game has 34.1 million likes, but don’t visit its page unless you like to get slimed with pop-ups.
Nickelback: 13.9 million
Allah: 3.4 million
God is more popular than himself.
Jesus: 13.2 million
The Obamas: 34.5 million (combined)
Windows Live Messenger: 15.6 million
Chris Brown: 22.7 million
The amateur intergender boxer is worth 8.4 Gods.
Mr. Bean: 22.2 million
Barney Stinson, from ‘How I Met Your Mother’: 2.7 million
Neil Patrick Harris’ onscreen womanizer has a few thousand more followers than God.
If you’re wondering, Satan (30,000 followers) doesn’t even begin to compete with God, but the New Jersey Devils are rising fast. God’s other enemies — Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris, Christopher Hitchens and gay rights — combine for a measly 1.2 million.
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