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14 Pictures That Prove Judas Was the Creepiest Dude in History

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By Cooper Fleishman on July 3, 2012


According to the New Testament, Judas Iscariot identified Jesus to Roman soldiers by kissing him after the Last Supper. It’s not clear whether Jesus knew what was coming: Some say he received Judas’ kiss out of affection and friendship, having set up his own arrest — meaning the betrayal was no betrayal at all.

Others say Judas’ lips never touched Jesus’ face, and as the apostle approached, Jesus recoiled and said, “You would use a kiss to betray me?”

Perhaps none of this happened at all. Matthew, Mark, Luke and John all have divergent accounts. The only thing we can assert with 100% historical accuracy is that holy shit, Judas was creepy as fuck. Just look at him. Ugh.

Bro, nobody wants to kiss you. Not until you shave that stupid fucking ugly-ass molestache and stop giving Jesus the most determined, predatory bedroom eyes and rubbing your mouth on his cheek like you’re sharing Chapstick. Even worse, you know Pontius Pilate is watching you herb on your boy here. Dude. Gross.

(In Giotto‘s 1304–06 fresco El beso de Judas, Judas looked a lot like Blake Griffin.)

One thing you can’t hate him for: The dude knew how to cut a fucking rug.

On a serious (and depressing) note, the anti-Semitism that crept into medieval Christian art is apparent in every depiction of Judas. With his demonic eyes, gaunt face, hooked nose and bulging lips, Judas’ image looks disturbingly similar to, say, The Merchant of Venice’s Shylock. Around the same era, blatantly anti-Semitic art began to surface — images like the “Judensau,” in which Jews were shown eating Satan’s feces while fornicating with pigs and other “unclean” animals. All these stereotypes eventually resurfaced — in Joseph Goebbels’ Nazi propaganda.

[Everthorne]

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