…for a nonrefundable fee of course!

While many pious Christians are creaming in their altar boys robes over the upcoming Rapture, tentatively scheduled for Saturday at 5:00 pm EST, an entrepreneurial atheist group known as “Eternal Earth-Bound Pets” is stepping up to solve a little problem with the prophecy that few had considered: What happens to your best friend when you’re swept up to Heaven with JC and he’s forever alone on Earth? After all, it’s not his fault he’s agnostic.

For a mere $135, $20 each additional pet — due in advance, naturally — they will pick up the pooch and care for him or her after you’ve been swept up.

Oh, and in case the prophesy turns out to be off by, oh, a millennium or two, or you have an overblown sense of your own piety and get left behind with the rest of the sinners, sorry, no refunds.

-NBC

You mean they can’t come?! What was all that “all dogs go to Heaven” talk?!

Boy, oh boy, am I impressed. If I had a hat on, I’d take it off. This is why atheists are just killing it these days. In the red corner, you’ve got this god-fearing Christian blowing $140,000 to advertise the end of the world, and in the blue corner you’ve got a company raking in $135 a pop from every holier-than-thou sucker expecting to storm the pearly gates on their high horse this Saturday.

I suppose pouring money into your bottomless pit of gullibility is nothing new to these folks, but the opportunistic nonbelievers getting between the sheep and their shepherd to squeeze a little scratch  for themselves is worthy of a True Genius designation in my book.