If I said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times. The US is losing badly to China in the sciences. So badly, in fact, that they’re even outdoing us at our own specialties. Namely being superficial and boob-obsessed (or as I like to call it boobsessed). I give you the ‘Chinese Cleavage Clamp.’

Number one way for a woman to look better? Tape your breasts together. Not rocket science exactly, but the point is they’re doing it and we’re not. I for one never thought I would live to see the day when the States and our very own Victoria fell behind in the neverending battle against sagging mammaries and our noble quest to bring glory to even the most underwhelming of ta-tas. But on the bright side, I guess when there are new innovations and scientific breakthroughs in the chesticle department, we all win. One world, I say. One world.

Bonus: for those of you who think you’d rather have men looking at your face (yea, right), I can offer you this piece of advice: That’s where all those annoying words are coming from. So, GOOD LUCK with that. Alas, the stupidity of that proposal isn’t enough to keep someone from designing a product for you! Meet the “Omni Beauty Lift High Nose,” from JapanTrendShop. Finally, you can satisfy that urge to apply electric shocks to your face for just $144!

Another day, another way for women to trick us into thinking they’re good looking. Now if they can just invent some kind of belt that can use my beer gut to make my wallet fatter, we’d be in business.

Via [Barstool Sports NYC] and [Geekologie]

Follow WG on Twitter @wannabe_genius and Mike’s other grumblings at @mickeyvee.