Paleo Lifestyle: So Much Cow Neck Not getting enough cow neck? They eat so much cow neck! “If you’re into into subservience, beef and social isolation, the Paleo lifestyle is right for you! Read more More
I Own a Tank, and You Should Too My frightened neighbors won’t listen to the obvious solution: Everyone should get a tank! The truth is that tanks don’t kill people, people kill people. Read more More
What Kind of Person Runs for President? There are two types of presidents: one who keeps working to improve the country after their presidency, and one who simply retires. Read more More
Animal Dialogues No. 5: Jellyfish on Hats SIMON: I think I could be the kind of jellyfish that wears a hat. I think it would make me look slim. I’d look like one of those Upright Fleshbones. MARY: You mean humans? SIMON: My tentacles would flow like clean summer hair. Read more More
Animal Dialogues No. 4: Tuna Making Terrible Puns SALLY: You know I’m not laying eggs anymore, right? HANK: Yeah, so? SALLY: So you don’t have to stick around, Hank. HANK: But I can SEA we’re going to have a WHALE of a time! Read more More
Animal Dialogues No. 3: Penguins on Running Son, do we have ourselves a winner? Or a loser? I don’t want my son sliding on his stomach like everyone else! I wish my father pushed me harder. You’re lucky to have one who cares so much, Sheldon. Read more More
Animal Dialogues No. 2: Pigs on Bacon Don’t you ever wish for something greater? To risk it all and move to New York? Or to start a family? I could be a great businesspig, but I don’t want to wake up one day and wonder why I didn’t give my dreams a chance. Read more More