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Author: E.A. Weiss

Paleo Lifestyle: So Much Cow Neck

Not getting enough cow neck? They eat so much cow neck! “If you’re into into subservience, beef and social isolation, the Paleo lifestyle is right for you!

I Own a Tank, and You Should Too

My frightened neighbors won’t listen to the obvious solution: Everyone should get a tank! The truth is that tanks don’t kill people, people kill people.

Animal Dialogues No. 5: Jellyfish on Hats

SIMON: I think I could be the kind of jellyfish that wears a hat. I think it would make me look slim. I’d look like one of those Upright Fleshbones. MARY: You mean humans? SIMON: My tentacles would flow like clean summer hair.

Animal Dialogues No. 4: Tuna on Spawning

SALLY: You know I’m not laying eggs anymore, right? HANK: Yeah, so? SALLY: So you don’t have to stick around, Hank. HANK: But I can SEA we’re going to have a WHALE of a time!

Animal Dialogues No. 3: Penguins on Running

Son, do we have ourselves a winner? Or a loser? I don’t want my son sliding on his stomach like everyone else! I wish my father pushed me harder. You’re lucky to have one who cares so much, Sheldon.